When I try to explain The Queen's family, I find myself using terms I don't necessarily like. Calling The Queen "the Master" as in "the Master of his family," I'm okay with that. It's when I get to describing the 1st through 3rd classes that I start to struggle. It think it's quickly obvious to someone who understands BDSM who is more dominant or more submissive. Take Simon and Tommy. While The Queen collared Tommy first, when it comes to talking about the two men, I habitually say "Simon and Tommy" because Simon is certainly the more dominant of them- there is actually some comments (most by The Queen) in "Gates of the Garden: Book Two" about this very fact. Then in a series of "for the blog fiction," I had Abrecan very confused when Tommy wanted Abrecan to take the "top" or "dominant" position in engaging in anal intercourse; Abrecan, a fourth class slave at this point, couldn't imagine being in the "top" position. Admittedly "top" as it's used in the gay culture and the BDSM culture are often a very different thing. The beautifully delicate Iona says, when Vala is allowed to ask questions of the whole stable before she's collared in "Out of the Night: Book One," that she always wants to stay under The Queen- metaphorically, although I can imagine physically is good sometimes too. :D
So I type that and think of my own reality. I'm so not a switch. I can't imagine doing what any first through third class slaves do. I am a submissive. Period. I've tried to switch twice that I can think of and both where horrible failures.
1) For some reason, Tom thought I'd be able to dom him somehow for a live sex web streaming thing while he and I were "on a break." I blamed it on still feeling uncomfortable about my body after having given birth to my son, but I can still picture him laying against the wooden rack, waiting for me to bind his wrists, and it felt so very wrong.
2) Ex husband. He was trying to hard to meet my BDSM needs. He tried domming; I laughed at him. He asked me to try domming him; I laughed, but in another way. Oh, I could do it, but I didn't enjoy it. At all. I only made it through the experience by playing a nasty femdom from porn.
Then there's the occasional question- often enough looking at my Master if He's there (and His 6'6" body to my 4'11" body)- "do you ever switch?" I'm either trying to hold in my laughter to be polite or I laugh openly at what sounds super ridiculous to me. But then I simply have no interest. I don't want to switch roles, thankful to all I find holy that my Master has no desire to switch. Even if we ever find "Ms. Right" and He actually wants to engage in BDSM with her, I don't hope for any "first girl" thing as if we were working toward a BDSM stable or leaning on Gorean terms. If anything, I know there's always that part of me that hungers to find the Domme who is attractive to both my Master and I, as an equal (as in no power exchange) to Him and maybe a secondary dominant to me. Ah, but Ms. Right of any sort is a dream and so for the moment, I can keep switching in my stories. :D