This blog will contain...
...profanity, sexually explicit dialog andadult imagery.
If you are under 18 and/or offended by this...

Thanks fiona, from "Sir Q and Me" for the warning message that just makes me melt. :)

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Topic Tuesday- my life's theme song

Writing about my "theme song" for Topic Tuesday. Hm. I simply can't pick one. There are so many genres of music that I love. Heck, surprisingly I even enjoy much contemporary Christian- although plenty of it is the BDSM filter that my mind hears these songs through. I came up with a list of songs that are particularly important to me. So my approach is going to be- write to 1000 words, going from one song to the next. At various times in my writing life, I've devised a number of ways to get music playlists somehow geared to the various things I write- atm I'm mostly using Pandora on my TV- my Master got a blu-ray player for the living room in part to get me running less things at once on my computer :D. I pick artists that are better for me to write things- like the "Deftones" station is something I commonly pick for harder BDSM and/or male/male stuff. And I admit- I'd wanted to put some big band stuff on here, like Count Basie, but I don't listen to that sort of music often enough to have any real sort of connection to write about. If there's any song you haven't heard listed here, go to youtube.com and find it... you'll love it I bet. :D

Rammstein- "Bestrafe Mich"
I was was just joking with a friend, it seems like a sin to have Till [Lindemann, their lead singer] wearing a shirt while he performs this song. Not that I believe in sin; I'm not sure Till does for that matter lol. But I love this song. Some of the first German words I learned ever because of this song. "Bestrafe mich" translates into English as "punish me." Yum! Till performs other word plays in this song that I know just enough German to understand what he's doing and have a lovely little shiver every time I hear it. However the main reason it shows up on this "theme song" list is for one line from the chorus that translates into "Your greatness makes me small. You are my punishment." With my penchant for writing bears and wanting a big man for a Master- and yeah, my Master is 6'6", large boned to my tiny 4'11" body :D.

Tori Amos- "Me and a Gun"
I'm a rape survivor. Multiple times. Multiple guys. Both statutory rape and sexual experiences (whether I was legally old enough or not) wouldn't have consented to. I'd never heard Tori sing this song until after I was a survivor too. It interests me how people have asked her, will say in the comments about how brave it is that Tori as a rape survivor sings this song; and yes, she is, but sometimes I think people don't understand necessarily what it's like to be an artist. Singing Tori's words was often a purging for me- even though, for me, it wasn't a gun any of the times either. Through my first experience, the words that kept me were: "I have an English paper due on Monday that I have to write."

Peter Gabriel- "In Your Eyes"
I've always loved this song; it's just a song that brings a smile to my face. However, in the last few years, I've noticed how beautifully it fits for the deep love between The Queen and Tommy from my Vala's Story series; I imagine The Queen singing it to Tommy, especially with the newer (to me) introduction that he includes in love performances of the song. The chorus gets me every time. Listening to the words, especially "In your eyes, I am complete," it gets me thinking of my Master and how He yanked me out of the depression that threatened when I lost contact with Tom.

Jane's Addiction- "Jane Says"
"I want them if they want me. I only know they want me." Those words held me through many a breakdown, a drug induced stupor, a fuck that had gone wrong somehow. For much too much of my life, these lines and "I ain't never been in love. I don't know what it is." made sense to me. My 1st girlfriend, when we re-connected as adults, commented on how the guy in a lot of my straight erotica for awhile was often named Sergio. Sex was only a commodity to me then, to be used for drugs, for money, for boredom alleviation, whatever I needed. I'd only had the blip of that girlfriend, trying to teach me differently.

Rise Against- "The Good Left Undone"
This is a newer song- a newer band for one. My teen was horrified when I ended up liking Rise Against too- I told him "with a mom like me, can you really expect we'll never like the same artists?" But the song... About two or so years ago, my Master and I decided we'd rescue another dog, hopefully a companion for our dog Chyna. I absolutely fell in love with Xion. Big black monstrously furry. He was at the shelter so long, they cut down his fee by more than half, just to get him in a forever home. Poor guy, he'd be abused, he was like a soldier returned from war with PTSD that he just didn't know what to do about. He bonded securely to me- getting him to like anyone else was a trick. He was terrified of most males. He also liked this song a lot- I couldn't listen to Ani Difranco for awhile either after we put him to sleep- his old body just couldn't take it anymore. That was the end of May I went through that experience, the first time I'd ever had to take a pet to be put to sleep. Some many lines in this song still make me think of him. His life shouldn't have ended like that; people needed to treat him a lot better than they did.

Nine Inch Nails- "Closer"
Hearing this as a jaded 15 year old (how the hell did I manage that, jaded at 15? A 21 year old girlfriend at the time when accused of "robbing the cradle" truthfully replied that I was more corrupt and worldly than her.)- I knew I was different. I heard Trent's words differently- I heard love within the sex and the denigration, the implied abuse. And the many times he sings, whispers, screams "you get me closer to god"- it was an aural orgasm every time. The images in this song told me in a way I could never access before that love was possible in a way I could want it.

Ani Difranco- "Hello Birmingham"

This was another of those songs that I really couldn't listen to for awhile after putting Xion to sleep- when he was having a panic attack- yeah, 100 lbs of dog having a panic attack- this song would help calm him down. Crazy, this song in which Ani talks about the assassinations of Martin Luther King, Jr. and Dr. Barnett Slepian. Such serious topics, people killed by others because of hatred. And yeah, the many political, activist sensibilities in me, rallied when I'd listen to this song, even as it helped Xion's panting slow, his eyes settle, and he'd lay his head on my feet and go to sleep.


  1. I had issues picking just one too!

    1. I had fun with the multiple songs- don't like following rules anyhow :D And it was fun to listen to the songs, some of which I don't listen to regularly. Well maybe "fun" isn't always the right word- I didn't get through the Rise Against song, writing about Xion without crying.