When I read the question, I thought about how spanking fiction for me felt like a bit of home. While there's plenty of good BDSM erotica/erotic romance out there (no, I don't count FSoG among that), it sometimes feels to me like I find a submission (in spanking/DD fiction) that matches my real life closer than some of the BDSM fic out there. I answer that question with a resolute BOTH, although only when speaking of my Master, the Man whose collar I accepted. Of course, I struggle with the binary (in or out of the bedroom)- I have to ask, why the bedroom? I know I'm being unfair to those who enjoy BDSM/spanking at clubs, at munches etc, but I feel submission as "not just about sex."
Some may ask why submission in spanking fiction is more relatable to me than what I've found in BDSM fiction- after all I identify as a lifestyle submissive. I lay claim to 20 years of BDSM experience. But a lot of the phrases I've grown up with in BDSM- "safe, sane, consensual," "BDSM checklists," "pre-scene negotiation"- are a lot of what I don't want. When I start talking about religious stuff- I'm a Unitarian Universalist- my Master will say "That sounds like corporate doublespeak." That's my signal first to stop talking about it to Him :D before I then re-evaluate what's happening. Is something being made more difficult than it needs to be? Possibly. The point is (from my seemingly inappropriate example), my understanding of domestic discipline can be summed up in
the spanker asks the spankee- "do you want to live this way?" there are less if any questions after that one
I want to give you 3 examples of how submission (to my Master) works in my life.
I'm cross posting this from my post about "anal in spanking fiction" from yesterday as it crosses both topics. I can't tell you how many years ago it's been now, but I had a health issue that meant we had to avoid any anal activity for several months. In my head, I managed to start associating "anal" with "pain" in a way I never had. That's a big problem- you see, my Master and I both love anal intercourse. And somewhere between being the mythical "perfect slave" and my own super active life, I couldn't manage to say "Master, can we please use some lube? No lube, like we're used to, just isn't working now." Yes, I finally did say those words to Him, but our sex life and my mental health around sexual issues weren't doing so good during the years (yes, years) it took me to get from the health issue- being medically cleared to engage in anal activities- me saying what I needed to say. I was so attached to submitting to what He wanted sexually, so attached to "what a good submissive would do" that I prevented Him from enjoying a sexual activity that He loves- this isn't a capture fantasy, a BDSM erotic novel, this is a Man who loves me wanting me to enjoy sexual activity with him. Submission isn't always a straightforward thing.
Out of Bed
Well out of the bedroom, including more than it. :D. But one of my jobs (I have 4) is "homemaker." Around everything else I do, I work much like a '50s housewife. There's my Master's house clean, laundry to do, meals to prepare and serve. I'm definitely not perfect about it and I fail plenty to keep things as clean and orderly as He would like. Now here's one guaranteed to make you all laugh. My Master believes that folding socks into themselves when pairing them stretches the socks out and makes them last not as long; nope, I don't agree with His logic. But when I'm doing the laundry, I fold our son's and my socks into themselves while I pair and fold in half my Master's socks. Where a couple without a negotiated power imbalance might come to a different solution to this personal preference, my response is to submit to my Master's wishes on His socks, while retaining my own thoughts otherwise about sock folding. Just a little thing :D.
Away from Shaman
This is an important one to me as a lifestyle submissive- what I choose to do when my Master isn't in the same room as me. It seems to me that this is one thing that makes my submission different from those who submit only in bed or at the BDSM club etc. I'll tell you a story that I once told a UU minister- he didn't take it the way I meant ugh. But my Master believes that Ol' Roy dog food from Walmart is a "premium dog food"- yes, direct quote from Him. I really don't agree. Before rescuing a second dog- thinking of all that dog poo from 2 large dogs- I decided to change our dog's food to something I approved of- and to do it behind my Master's back. I do all the grocery shopping so that was a doable thing. I however carefully followed the slow process of changing the food brands, knowing that He'd be displeased enough by the fact that I was buying a more expensive dog food. After He found out about the change- I'm also the one who tends the food dish- I didn't get punished (for changing the food without permission and intentionally behind His back knowing He didn't want me to) because I had followed the proper, healthy procedure for changing a dog's food. Now I mention that minister not understanding- the way he saw it, it was horrifying that Shaman would have an opinion on something as seemingly little as dog food and that I was risking punishment by changing the brand as I did. I see the story as an example of the balance between submitting to my Master's desires and doing what I feel is right.
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