This blog will contain...
...profanity, sexually explicit dialog andadult imagery.
If you are under 18 and/or offended by this...

Thanks fiona, from "Sir Q and Me" for the warning message that just makes me melt. :)

Friday, November 29, 2013

#SatSpanks ... You must walk to get your spanking

8 or so sentences from writers who love to spank or be spanked. Please enjoy my snippet and then move onto the other hoppers- their links are at the bottom of this post.

I continue a little further from the snippet I shared last week. Mommy's taken Joey to the guest room, a beautiful room with a picture perfect daybed that Joey has worked so hard to decorate this last month. Poor Joey's anxiety is building. She doesn't know what to expect of the first spanking from Mommy.

Once all the way through the doorway, Mommy moved around me and to the daybed. She turned on a stereo and classical music started to play.

She looked up at me. "Close the door."

I turned around to obey, my hand shaking as it touched the yellow painted door that I'd been so proud to install. I heard a small click when the door was closed.

"Now come here."

I took small steps and focused on the floor.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

If only I could live in the world of my books...

right now, life's sucking hard- although now a Bill Cosby interview has me pondering "sucks" since it's usually a good thing- but never find. I hope to get it together in a day or so. At the very least, if I don't manage anything useful before then, you'll have posts to enjoy on Friday and Saturday

Monday, November 25, 2013

Mommy's blog- the end?

And I share the final diary post for Mara. Today is the final Monday of Nanowrimo. The end of this week should hopefully see me completing the first draft of this story. I've learned a lot this Nano. I hope to continue learning. And I hope I've written some wonderful love, emotion, sex, BDSM, and interaction for readers to enjoy once I've fixed it up a bit and then started the long process of submitting and getting it published.

Dear, sweet diary...
Back home. Does home mean something else now? That I feel I left a piece of my heart with Andrew and Joey? It was a very good week though, the time spent with them, learning more about them. It might seem premature to some, but I'm most definitely in love. In love with Joey, with Andrew, with them a whole unit. Very romantic word choice, huh? :D Some erotic romance author I am. But yes, this LDR thing will take some getting used to. I wonder if we'll need space, Joey and I especially, after these constant times together. idk... should I find myself an online support group for Bigs in LDR? Living in Seattle, I imagine I could find some sort of Big/little local community that might help, but I think this is a time for looking online.

But I don't want to wait, I don't want to give space. Even if it's just in words, I wanna wrap Joey up in my arms and hold her close, brush her hair. And I want to kiss Andrew again, feel his strength. I've never felt this way about a cisgender man before. I don't know what's gotten into me. Although I think I really need to keep that phrase out of it. I need to just let this be, as much as I can. After all, this isn't something in a book for me to plot out. This is all so fast, at least it seems fast. I've never believed in love at first sight; I've even avoided reading it, using pacing in novels to make the story more believable to me, fighting against formulas.

What would I do if they asked me to move closer to them? Or move in with them? My first instinct is to scream yes, but what of the community here, the urbanity here? Could I really be happy down there? My life would shrink to the three of us and the internet. There isn't any kink community there, at least not that Andrew or Joey commented on, there is no GLBT community. But the expression in Joey's eyes, when she first saw me in person, when she realized I was there, that I could hold her for real. Does dating always have to me "physically spending time together at some point"?

I am happy though, even for all this confusion, or maybe because of it. I do enjoy a good riddle. Andrew commented early on that Joey was seeming more content and I'm feeling that too. I need to read more about pet play, maybe see if there's a class coming up at the community center about it- I'd love to know more about this activity that they seem to enjoy so much.

It was only days after Joey had become my little girl that I first asked her to write for me. Now I think I'm going to write for her. Like any dominant, I'll have to consider what I want to share, what I shouldn't, but I think she might do with understanding a piece of what I get out of being her Mommy. First to look for a support group where I feel "right" again and then to write. I'll see if she comes online, or if Andrew texts me; just that "I'm glad you're safe" when I'd texted that I'd made it home okay. "We already miss you," he'd texted. Me too.

Mara, still figuring out what it means to be in love with a dominant and a Mommy to his slave

(UPDATE: so this was the last of Mara's "Mommy Blogs," but as we pull close to another Nanowrimo, I am working on "Mommy" again, with the hope to finish it before Nanowrimo arrives because I have a new idea to work on in this November... the idea of two erotic romance authors in a long distance relationship :D)

Friday, November 22, 2013

#SatSpanks ... "Little girls shouldn't talk to their mommies like that."

8 or so sentences from writers who love to spank or be spanked. Please enjoy my snippet and then move onto the other hoppers- their links are at the bottom of this post.

So I decided to share from the first (and possibly only) spanking scene in my Nanowrimo age play WIP. Since both women, the Mommy and the little girl, are finding themselves in AP, I took a rather slow approach with them. Especially as they first played online, through text, then I'm playing to add some "phone sex"- how limited that phrase is in this case :D. I think I'm going to give you about 5 weeks or so of snippets from this scene... so then once I finish Nanowrimo, I can get back to "the 5" and give you move of Hatsu, Etan, and Harlequin.

Here you get to see how Joey earns her first spanking from her Mommy.


I piled the last box of orange gelatin on the counter. "No," I snapped at Mommy when she stepped beside me.

Mommy took me by both shoulders and turned me to face her.

"I'm sorry, Mommy. I didn't mean to." I immediately felt horrible at my mean voice.

"What was that attitude for?" Mommy demanded.

I didn't want to look at Mommy's frowny face. "I don't know, I'm sorry, Mommy. Please forgive me, Mommy." I pressed my lips together.

"Little girls shouldn't talk to their mommies like that." Mommy continued to hold on shoulder and urged me into the hallway.

Ponies and puppies and kitties, oh my! :D- pet play in BDSM

"Did you like being a kitty in heat?" Simon's grin teased Vala.

"Hell yeah I did, my Lord." Vala returned Simon's grin. She glanced at his crotch and licked her lips before returning her gaze to his face. "And I see you did as well, my Lord."

Simon leaned in to kiss Vala.

Yes, in "Vala's Story," I eventually engage in some pet play. A special made plug with teasing little barbs to approximate a tom's penis. Most importantly, Vala wasn't allowed to use human speech during the scene. She was worn out after that scene :D- Iona needed to give her some loving care...

Oh yes, I do enjoy me some mute slave pet play. Of course Anne Rice did her wonderful pony slaves in the "Beauty" trilogy, but Laurent I think it is ponders how they're "real slaves not playthings" in the 3rd book; I'm not exactly sure of Anne's words- that's before or after my favorite masturbation spots. We don't get it until the 3rd book, but there is one groom, Gareth, who speaks at length about the pony slaves and I just love how Anne weaves such beautiful philosophy into her narrative through this character.

Actually it's one of my turn on that I engage in in fiction; my Master really doesn't get into it. He's never said it's a hard limit of His, just it can be rather involved and our BDSM does tend to be a much more natural thing, something that we enjoy sexually, that runs the household. I think maybe post-nano that I'll write a pet play scene for you all, especially if I can't work one into my nano story. :D

Now separating pet play from "shifters" as you see in paranormal and paranormal romance- really, dino sex? Ahh!!! As far as I understand, it's normally put with depersonalization and/or objectification in BDSM how-to's. The idea is to make the submissive "less than human" or "other than human." It can go on for as long or as short a time as the dominant wants, although I've seen dominants comment that this sort of play involves a lot more effort for the dominant than the submissive.

Most common seem to be ponies, kitties, and puppies. On adult toystore websites like JTsstockroom, you can find toys specifically for playing these roles. But then you can find cute ears and such anywhere. To me, it appears it's all about the costume and to "really do it," you need to invest quite a bit of money. But then a good flogger can easily be $150.

I used to really like looking at pony play pics until I accidentally stumbled on some non-consensual BDSM pornography that included pony play in a most disturbing way. Although I still find the whole notion of pony play in a consensual BDSM interesting. Just the bridles, the harnesses, the shoes. I had quite a bit of fun writing some pony play into the 3rd book of "Vala's Story."

However kitten and puppy play! Rubber mittens! I love the look of them! I played with a pair of those later in "Vala's Story," not as part of pet play though. Not using mittens, but I've seen Annette Schwartz start a porn she was in with puppy play and that was really cool. She knelt in a pet bed and made little whimpering noises until her dominant in the scene came and paid attention to her.

I'd love to read comments from some people who incorporate pet play to their actual BDSM activities, from either sub or dom points of view- I'm not sure this is something that can really be switched during, so a switch would probably have to behave as one role or the other for the course of the play.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

BDSM and religion... how it's mixed in my life....

So first let me give you a summary of my religious journey. Raised RLDS (NOT Mormon, lmao, yes, I grew up saying that :D), converted to Wicca at 14, wandered into "A Course in Miracles" and various New Age stuff in my 20s when I reconnected with first girlfriend, finally got to a Unitarian Universalist fellowship in my late 20s, spent time as UU-ACIM, UU-pagan, UU-Norse pagan, finally have settled into UU-atheist/agnostic.

Now having said all that, let me comment on a "Christmas" a few years ago. Yes, we were calling it Christmas and we even had a Christmas tree. However, among my Master, our roommate at the time, and myself, we had not one adult with Christianity as part of his/hir/her religious make up. And my then-pre-teen had been raised in religious plurality and no care for Christian religious belief.

In my current household, Master (who was pagan when I met Him) considers Himself agnostic, I'm a UU-atheist/agnostic with Norse pagan leanings (I'm a UU but I have a problem accepting any sort of supernatural deity, although I do feel a connection still with my Germanic religious heritage), and my now-teen, who's a UU-atheist. I'm not sure we'll have a "Christmas tree" this year, although I'm hoping to celebrate the recently created UU holiday Chalica. So I'll have 7 days of holiday from the first Monday in December; my Master will possibly be amused.

So now you know where I'm coming from- or at least somewhat; I'll answer in more specifics if anyone wants to ask things in the comments. Do you notice that my Master and I don't have the same religion? I'm an active UU; He has disdain for quite a few things about UU-ism. I was at one UU fellowship for quite a few years, but a quite a few issues led me to the decision to leave that fellowship, taking my son as well; after the fact, my Master said "I'd hoped you would leave it way sooner than you did."

In "Vala's Story," The Queen in quite a few different situations, to different slaves of his, talks about the notion that he believes no dominant, even in a Master/slave situation, should try to force a submissive to a certain religious belief. And my Master would agree. Indeed, The Queen doesn't like it's really possible to do that; consider what the white slave owners did during the time in US history where chattel slavery of people of African descent was legal- the slaves were forced to give up their African religious beliefs, but they didn't always and further they created their own secret churches where their understanding of Christianity was different than what the slave owners preached.

I don't know if it would have been different if religion was a less of a fluid thing to me; one of the UU principles speaks of "a free and responsible search for truth and meaning"- we UUs don't believe that someone gives us what to believe (a creed), we have to search for what we believe. It's been interesting working with my Nanowrimo WIP where two of the main characters share the back story of having been ex-communicated from the LDS church, but religion hasn't figured into the story at all, beyond giving a third character some information.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Topic Tuesday- Problems and Solutions

it is said that as a problem arises, so does the solution. This week it is all about how that is true in our lives. What issues big and small have you overcome this week, month or year? Were they easy? What did you learn?

So Jeff gave us something deep, thoughtful this week- I'm not sure if I'm in my fit of depression, bad mood that I'll do any better in it than my nano-novel.

Looking back on my life, I can see some places where I did something that I thought was a solution to a problem but only caused several more problems, some are even problems that continue to today (thinking on ridiculous ex husband and looking forward to teen being 18 so I have even fewer reasons to deal with jack ass.)

The most enduring problem in my life however is my mother, the fact that she is completely disrespectful of any boundaries, unaffectionate (except when it suits her ends), and manipulative. I was already in teenage rebellion before I got to my teen years; while her memory of my childhood doesn't come close to mine <need an eye-rolling icon here>, I *knew* that I wasn't valuable to her except in the ways she could show me off to her friends and acquaintances. Well teenage rebellion didn't really help me, didn't get me away from the emotional abuse any faster. I picked a small liberal arts college, mainly thinking to get away, while I probably should have picked an urban school; a nervous breakdown later, I was kicked out of college, back in my parents' home, and taking lithium. Nope, that didn't help the problem of my mother. Made a whole crap load more bad mistakes- got pregnant unplanned, got married to someone I didn't love, moved away- trying to put more physical and/or mental distance between her and I.

In many ways, I look at my Master as the solution to all that. Well not exactly Him- I used the phrase "He saved me" once with a UU minister friend who took that phrase in a rather more mundane, mainstream way. My Master didn't so much save me, come riding in like a knight in shining armor, but He encouraged me to make choices- remove myself from the bad marriage and be with Him full time, figure out the ways in which my mother continues to hurt me, figure out what needs to change, and stick with those boundaries. Like the list I have, which every time I go to visit my family, He reminds me of:

1) If the car I drive isn't safe for the 2.5 hour drive, no visit is happening. It is NEVER okay for me to be dependent on my parents for transportation anywhere.

2) 3 days, 2 nights is the longest acceptable visit... and I have to remember to pack up my stuff and head home earlier if my mother can't be nice and respectful.

3) If money is too tight for me to bring my own food, no visit is happening. Wondering if she'll be "okay" about me being vegan or not is too much stress on my recovering anorexic, hypoglycemic body. And referring to #2, if she questions me buying something because she's made choices that have messed up my eating schedule, the second part of #2 needs to happen. I was so angry when she questioned me buying a frozen lemonade for myself and my teen at the zoo last visit- I was getting sick due to improper fast food (hello? she took a vegan to a Church's Chicken when a Burger King was available) and had me outside for a lengthy time (yup, another health problem, I'm allergic to the sun and have to be super careful when outside for longer than 15 minutes at a time).

Especially the second half of #2, I need to work on. The visit that included the trip to the zoo, that was just barely 24 hours and my mother managed to behave so unacceptably in so many ways. But I wanted to go to a UU church nearer their house than mine, so I tried to put up with her. Nope, I can't think of anything important enough to ignore Master's heatedly reminded second part of #2.
Topic Tuesday Blog Hop

Monday, November 18, 2013

Mommy's blog- Mara's on her way to Joey

Nanowrimo is going pretty good for me, if you've been watching the word progress meter on the right side of the page. As I write, I've been thinking more about a variety of things... from age play to sexual education to how the people would work things out in a poly triad. I have various ideas about pacing in the story and how that's affecting the balance of romance, sex, BDSM, age play, and non-sexual scenes in the story. I know for sure that I'm going to break some Nano "rules"- the one that I'm thinking about most is "don't go back and edit." The way writing is going, I find myself skipping to what's the ending, in part to see how many words I get by the time of the "end picture." Then, whether November is over or not, I'll being going back to the beginning and adding scenes to fill out the romance part of the books, as well as adding some scenes, probably some phone sex between Mara and Joey.

This diary entry is written as Mara is driving for a surprise visit to Andrew and Joey. "About 5 hours" of a drive separating them. I picture her drinking a cup of coffee as she writes, before getting back on her way to see her little girl.

Dear, sweet diary...
So I finally stopped for breakfast on the drive down to visit Andrew and Joey. I can't believe in just a few hours I'm going to see my darling girl. These past weeks, getting to know them has been wonderful. And getting to know myself, as "Mommy." I really was such a mixture of emotion when I set out on this quest to find myself as dom, just a little over a month ago. I think Joey and I are mostly playing with her as a young teen. It'll be interesting to see how it goes once I'm there, if she ends up older, younger.

I'm most anxious for interacting with Andrew at the same time as Joey. Our text conversations with him at work have been good, working on a friendship. Hopefully that'll help with processing any feelings of jealousy, if they're even there. I've really valued that, the growing friendship with another dom. I don't know, maybe it's just Andrew's character, but I've never felt such a close friendship with another dom. I love how his domination of Joey enriches their relationship, never makes it seem like BDSM erotica, never lessens his care for her.

A whole week. I can't believe I'm staying for a whole week! And Andrew deciding to make it a surprise for Joey. It'll be nice, as a friend and as a lover (is that the right word here? Dom? Big? I'm not sure.) to help them as Andrew makes the shift from day to midnight shift. I find it so sad that any employer still uses swing shift; it's so very cruel in my opinion. I know it was when Andrew made his first swing to midnights that Joey started sleeping with a stuffed animal; I wonder just how hard the swing is for her? How does Andrew's domination change when He's struggling to change his sleep schedule, really his life schedule?

Any time now, Joey should be receiving my package. I can't help but imagine her opening it, reading the note, and then rushing off to obey. Showering. Okay, I gotta get my head out of the gutter. I nearly masturbated myself raw last night, thinking about that moment of seeing her. Of holding her. I'm unsure now about this whole LDR thing, how it feels, everything. Talking online, talking on the phone, scene-ing in words... and then the occasional visit. Can I live with it? Do I want to live with it? What of Joey and Andrew? He's repeatedly commented on just how much more content Joey is. Because of the LDR? The age play? A woman in her life? None, all of them? I think those will be things to revisit, reconsider after this visit.

I can't wait to see this guest room that she's been working so hard on. She hasn't said anything in wondering about Andrew giving her free reign in the room. I wonder if she's imagined us in that room? Okay, time to finish my coffee and get back on the road. I'll be holding my little girl soon.

Mara. the happiest mommy in the world

UPDATE- for those reading after the fact, here's the link for Mara's next blog entry: http://joellecasteel.blogspot.com/2013/11/mommys-blog-end.html . This link goes to the last of the "Mara's blog" entries; however as of 9/13/2014, I am working to finish "Mommy" and hope to be submitting it to publishers before the year is out.)

Friday, November 15, 2013

#SatSpanks ... Would you like to strip and continue?

It's Saturday Spankings time again! I do so love my spankings :D . 8 (or so) sentences of spanking fun. After you've enjoyed my snippet, please join the other spankos- their links are at the bottom of this post.

Do you think that Harlequin is regretting begging for that spanking? Or that Etan knew he'd have to order her to do it for it to happen? I'm not sure whose shoes I'd rather be in here :D

If you want a refresher, first read Harlequin begging for her spanking here. Then continue on to some chat between the women before Hatsu leads the party to a private room in the BDSM club here. Then Etan and Hatsu iron out some details here. Then Etan admits something to Hatsu here.

Hatsu caught the fullness of Harlequin's ass with a cupped hand, right where the fabric crept into the darling girl's crack.

Harlequin's feet lifted off the floor, her legs stretched into the air.

"Can we continue this spanking with her stripped down to underclothes?"

"Definitely." Etan waved his fingers up at Harlequin.

Harlequin slipped off Hatsu's lap. She eased one ivory strap off her shoulder. Her gaze moved between the dominants as she eased her arm out.

Nice, slow strip tease. Beautiful.

My history and thoughts on online scene-ing

As a college student, I was introduce to a chat-like thing. It was like iRC but I forget its name. And I got to talk to a women. :D Unfortunately I'd picked the wrong college for me; I should have picked a more urban campus. There were very few women I could approach for sexual activity or relationships. But online chatting opened a new world for me. Of course this was the late 1990s so we didn't yet have large kink communities like Fetlife- and I didn't find the various listserves that I've since read about that were so important for many other kinksters of my age group.

Did I wish my parents were more well off than they actually were! Enough to send me to a private liberal arts college, not well enough to send me there with my own private computer in my room. But I used one of the computer rooms for students. However, I don't think I was the only student going to them to engage in this chatting that sometimes led to cybersex. Of course sometimes it was just chatting, but I was open to it, plus hungry as I was for contact with women who engaged sexually with other women. Yes, this did extend to cybersex- I was more than willing and interested.

I remember one time I got into conversation with this woman about women's gymnastics- while I wasn’t naive enough to think that people never lied about their gender online, I didn't overly think about it as long as the person acted feminine enough for me interest... and well, remember that at the time I had a preference for butches :D. I did gymnastics for a little while as a pre-teen, but I started too late and my parents didn't push me; I just never got very good. But I loved watching gymnastics, especially since "women's" gymnastics is such a misnomer; even back then, a gymnast was a veteran, a has-been in her 20s. But to look at those teen bodies clad in tight spandex bodysuits, to watch the feats of strength and flexibility. Yum! So yes, conversation back and forth got quite sexual before we were even talking as if we were having sex. I was glad for my single room after that- single only because the woman who was supposed to be my roommate ended up giving birth to her baby on the day we moved into the dorms.

The crazy thing, while I did engage in cybersex like that quite regularly, I never really got into BDSM scene-ing online. Remember, I hadn't found the places online that kinksters had made community in? Plus while not being an "old guard" BDSM-er (I'm too young, not male, or gay to have been in that community), I'd found a sort of BDSM community among other teens and 20-somethings who were experimenting with BDSM. So I was doing BDSM "in real life." After I turned 18, I quickly hopped through the steps of "being in college," "dropping out of college," "finding a dom/losing a dom," "getting pregnant, then getting married." I lucked into my Master as a young married woman who was thankfully polyamorous. Since He was local, there was no need to conduct an online long distance relationship. We played a bit through Yahoo messenger when we were still living apart, but it was at most a bit of mental domming when He knew He was going to be seeing me soon.

Today while we're still polyamorous, it comes with its understandings. He doesn't want me engaging in BDSM with others, especially the D/s part. And while I'd still be open to cybersex with women online, I don't specifically go looking for it. After all, writing erotic romance, writing blog posts, I spend plenty of time writing about sexuality. My Master is of a different mind about cybersex and online scene-ing than I am. While I can imagine having a LDR with a woman that's mostly if not totally online, He says "I'm old-fashioned. I still think part of dating means going out sometimes."

Online scene-ing is on my mind at the moment because it's figuring in largely to my Nanowrimo project this year. Josephine is interested in age play and her Master isn't at all. She sets up a profile on a kinky dating site and Mara contacts her. 5 hours apart, they get talking online. Both women are figuring out what age play means to them and they do that in chat conversations that range from what's going on, teasing each other about their day, to explicit online scene-ing (like "I'm imagining your naked body bent over" type stuff). Although where I'm writing in the story, Mara has come to visit and the scenes of "we're together physically" probably shows I'm not as into the idea of LDR as I'd like to say I am, but it makes sense with the characters I'm writing.

I've been really interested to see the level, the directions I've been able to take these online scenes in the story. It makes me wonder about people who do scene in online chat rooms. Writing as Joey, the age play name that Mara gives to Josephine, I can feel my emotions expand thinking of "Mommy" just as they do when I'm thinking as myself about my Master.

If you'd like to read a little bit of one of these online scenes, please return to my blog tomorrow. For the Seductive Studs and Sirens GLBT blog hop, I'm sharing a little from the first of these online scenes between Joey and "Mommy," as Josephine calls Mara.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

When BDSM is about running the house...

In the story I wrote for Camp Nano in July, a spin-off of Vala's Story, I had a character complain "Cleaning isn't sexy." Oh did I laugh when I wrote that. My next thought was this "punishment scene" in "The Submission of O," a pornographic movie staring Bree Olsen in the title character. I forget what the women supposedly did, if that was even written into the script. But there these two women were, nude, in harnesses that held plugs in their asses and cunts, cleaning the floor. Now I'm naked around the house often enough, but if I'm cleaning the floor, my Master doesn't plug me up, half-heartedly flog me while I keep cleaning the same spot over and over again. Nope. Not living a porn movie. Whatever I got dressed in, or didn't as the case is some days. There's vacuuming, sweeping, wet mopping. Sometimes I require clothes 'cause I need to shake rugs outside and I live in a somewhat genteel neighborhood.

While my slave in my Nanowrimo WIP has daily chores that she's expected to finish, my life is somewhat more like Simon's in Vala's Story in that I know what my Master wants and I will try very hard to make it happen. Of course, I don't have a bunch of slaves serving under me, so it's all on me. Dishes, laundry, dusting, sweeping, vacuuming and on and on... the normal chores of life in a house. I do somewhat put things- whether it's household stuff or related to one of my jobs- through a sort of BDSM filter. What will please Master the most? One thing I've gotten into the habit of, if I see He's out of clean underwear or nearly out, I put aside whatever else I was doing (saving feeding myself because with my hypoglycemia, Master has put "eating" above all else, including feeding Him) and get some laundry going. Even during Nanowrimo. Because once, I'd let writing and activism and on and on get ahead of making sure He had clean underwear and I felt horrible. So now I make sure He has clean underwear.

But cleaning isn't sexy? Well I guess that depends on your outlook. In my free ebook Joelle's Chaotic Collection of Screwing, I included the story "Proper Attitude." Do take the moment to download the ebook, a short collection of short stories, a poem, and some excerpts of longer works and read "Proper Attitude." While not an exact retelling, it's a fictionalized story of what can happen in my life. I've done things like start doing the dishes in the nude and the next thing I know, I'm in bed with my Master fucking my ass and we're both loving it. Then afterward, after we've both come and then rinsed off in the shower, and my legs are still shaking, then I'll finish those dishes.

All that considered, my submission is about pleasing my Master. Some days, that's sucking His cock. Others, it's laying there screaming in pleasure as He fills my ass with His cum. Then there are the days when it's just about making sure He has clean underwear for His next work shift.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Topic Tuesday: Where do I want to write?

Okay, every writer has an ideal situation to write in. What's yours? Specific room? Specific view? Surrounded by what things? Listening to music? If so, what kind? Where do you get the most inspiration for your creative impulses? Describe it. Be specific. Cite examples.

I read this question that Kage gave us "Topic Tuesday" people. I c/p'd it into my "post ideas" file and then I re-read. Repeated the reading a few times.

Ideal? Hm. How do I answer that? First I don't think I can think of a singular "ideal." What I'm writing at any moment can and often does change what I want. While once upon a time, I had music lists made up dependent on what I was writing (male/male, male/female, femdom, female/female, non-BDSM, non-sexual, group etc), I tend to go buy artist more often now, especially using certain artists' radio stations on Pandora more for certain things I'm writing.

Specific room? Well there are times that I prefer to write in the thick of action (like in my armchair in my living room) or out somewhere I can people watch. Then there's other times that I want a location like my writing area in my basement, often not even online, because I want everyone to stay the heck away. And a view? Well that's totally messed. I hate looking outside windows- outside equals bad pain in my mind (allergic to the sun). Most often "not my snoring dog" would be a preferred view, if I have one.

Music is almost always a necessity for writing, at least any writing that I feel is good. Although if I've been stressed and writing hasn't happened, sometimes writing in a notebook in the middle of somewhere (like a gaming store with my Master and my teen often enough) with no music will be the thing to help me out of that.

Sometimes, writing some things, I want a creative partner there on Facebook or messenger who's up to brainstorming. Sometimes the ideas are all there in my brain and I just need good music, Master/teen to leave me alone, dog not snoring. Though sometimes if Master's left me alone for "too long," I can't write either.

I would really like an ottoman that's about an inch shorter than the one I have. I would love to have a second set of footy pajamas. I wish my armchair had just about another inch or two on either side of my body so my arms weren't pressed as tight against my sides.

Currently I find I'm listening most often to these artists' stations on Pandora: Rise Against, Depeche Mode, Tori Amos, Ani Difranco, Deftones, and Nine Inch Nails. "Rise Against" tends to be a general sex scene station. "Depeche Mode" is for male/male, although too often the station becomes "all 80s" and then I'm listening to something else. Deftones and NIN tend to be for more heavily BDSM-related scenes, especially those including impact play and serious bondage. "Deftones" is often BDSM, but of a more varied effect. "Tori Amos" and "Ani Difranco" can be for female/female more commonly, however the later seems to play too many artists who I vent "she's only on this station because she's a she, not because she has anything else in common with Ani."

Too much natural light isn't good for writing for me; it makes me cross.

I always need a table near me to hold stuff. There's always tons of stuff. Notes, pictures, diagrams, books I'm reading, books I want to read. Snacks, drinks.

Yeah, always. There are few always or ideals when I'm writing. The biggest one? The freedom to change what I want to change when I need to change it.
Topic Tuesday Blog Hop

Monday, November 11, 2013

Paloma Beck's "Touch My Heart" release tour visits my blog


Title: Touch My Heart
Author: Paloma Beck
Series: Heart And Soul, #2
Genre: Erotic Contemporary Romance
Elements: BDSM-lite, Consensual Adult Spanking
Release Date: November 1, 2013
Website: http://palomabeck.weebly.com/hold-my-hand.html
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/palomabeck/hold-my-hand/
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18041607-touch-my-heart

William knows exactly what he wants. He saw what his parents had and he plans to have that kind of love for himself. He just has to convince Aubrey she’s perfect for him. He attempts to take it slowly, cautious of her weariness and his own preoccupations. Then he bargains, persuades and seduces until Aubrey agrees to be his. That’s where the rest of his life begins…

… even while another part of his life begins to crumble. He finds the foundation of his own family rocked. With William’s future not in his control anymore, he needs Aubrey as much as she needs him. There’s solace in knowing you don’t have to go through life’s heartache alone.

Amazon: http://is.gd/liRrDT

© Touch My Heart, Paloma Beck, 2013

My first strike came along with my final word. I landed it directly center so the burn of her flesh was full across her ass. She clenched and cried out but made no move to pull away. I waited and watched her reaction.

After a full minute, I laid another strike down. This time, I moved to the fleshy part–the place I liked to refer to as her sit spot–so I’d know she’d remember this for at least a few days every time she sat down. I rotated between both cheeks until a shining red color emanated from her skin.

When she began to struggle in earnest, moving away from me and turning her hips, I paused to soothe her. “Do not move. Find your center and gain control. You can do this.” I rubbed her ass and felt the heat rise from her flesh.

“I - I’m sorry. I won’t m - move. It’s just, just a new feeling. I – I like your hand better.” She was sniffling now and her words were choppy, her breath labored.

I grinned, aware that my hand gave a much lighter spanking than the paddle. Of course, she’d like it better and her admission reinforced to me that I’d made the right choice. “I’m sure you do like my hand better. It’s not nearly as hard as this paddle.”

Once Aubrey calmed, I began again, changing the places the paddle landed but still maintaining the strength of my strikes. She cried out with each strike. For a moment, I questioned whether I’d make it. This was the harshest punishment I’d given and I had to fight the urge to pull her up into my arms. But I knew my responsibility. I understood it wouldn’t always be easy but I also knew what she needed and had committed to giving it to her.

“I’m sorry, sir.” Aubrey began repeating the phrase over and over, my heart tearing with each precious word. I focused my thoughts on the rhythm as I used a steady beat so she could anticipate and sink into the punishment. Once her breathing steadied and then slowed, I knew she’d found a plateau and I stopped. We’d reached our limit.

I rubbed her bottom and then set about unfastening her restraints without a word. The room was silent but for the small gasps of air escaping as Aubrey worked to regain her breath. I’d taken her further than she’d gone before. From here, we were moving forward. I needed her to be ready, to embrace her strength and trust her instincts. I needed her to let go of the inner voices she let control her.

Do you have those inner voices that hold you back? How do you overcome them?

About Paloma
Paloma Beck is a Romance Author living a life of contradiction... she's a happily married carpooling mom writing erotic romance. It's almost naughty! Paloma writes in both the Contemporary and Paranormal realms, journaling the stories her characters tell her, and they are anything but PG. She dabbles in vampires, witches, ménage, spanking and bondage - all in her books, of course.

Paloma believes a daily dose of espresso and a good book make any day better.

Connect with Paloma
WEBSITE http://palomabeck.weebly.com
TUMBLR http://palomabeck.tumblr.com/
BLOG http://RomanceBeckons.blogspot.com
TWITTER https://twitter.com/PalomaBeck
FACEBOOK http://www.facebook.com/PalomaBeckAuthor
PINTEREST http://www.pinterest.com/PalomaBeck
GOODREADS http://www.goodreads.com/PalomaBeck

Paloma is offering a DAILY CONTEST during her release tour to WIN an ebook of Hold My Hand, book one in the Heart And Soul series. Enter to win each day by answering the QUESTION in the COMMENTS section of that day’s post. The question must be answered to be eligible. The commenter needs to provide their email address and preferred ebook format.

November 2, FourSeduced Muses  |  November 3, TwinsieTalks  |  November 4, GuiltyIndulgence  |  November 5, NatashaKnight  |  November 6, Houseof Taboo  |  November 7, Smile,Somebody Loves You  |  November 8, SnifferWalkBooks  |  November 9, KristinElyon  |  November 10, CelesteJones  |  November 11, JoelleCasteel  |  November 12, ReneeRose  |  November 13, BehindClosed Doors

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Mommy's blog- Mara messages Josephine

Because I'm hosting Paloma Beck on her blog tour from "Touch my Heart" tomorrow, I'm sharing from Mara's blog today. Things are picking up in "Mommy" and I haven't written a 3rd blog post for Mara, but I'm thinking that I wanted to get further into it before I dip into Mara's POV again.

Today, Mara's talking to her diary again and this time she shares the first message she sends Josephine after reading her playfully submissive heroine's profile on the kinky dating site.

Dear, sweet diary...

I am totally unsure what to make of the profiles I looked through this morning. There were quite a few profiles of sadly overweight women whose self-esteemed had been trampled away to nothing. There were the model skinny girls; their word choice often made me wonder if they were doing this "as a lark." A score of new abbreviations and acronyms to learn- I'm glad I found a group for Bigs just getting interested in AP. How frustrating that there is so little to read from a Big's POV! I got so tired of littles' pages and only see a Big through a little's eyes- although maybe that's the point and since I'm just learning theory, I'm not going to get it yet.

I was intrigued by one profile. Working in my word processor program rather than the message box, I carefully constructed my message to her. Would you like to read it, diary?

My dear. While Josephine is such a pretty name, I hope you don't mind that I call you Joey; Josephine is such a big name for such a little girl. I was pleased to see your fully dressed profile picture; too many on this site seem to think manners aren't needed. I was taken aback when you mentioned your Master, but I'm glad you're doing this with his permission- I hope that's not just words that you typed to sound good. Yes, my first impression is all about your body as shown in your picture and I find you very pretty and charming. I do find many of your listed fetishes- as pertaining to age play- interesting.

How open you are to many things, Joey. I hope a Mommy whose just coming to that role is something you're also open to? I've been a hanger on in the BDSM community here in Seattle for nearly a decade, but I never felt that a fit... a sub, as a Domme, as anything really. That is, until I found AP. Even so, I'm struggling to find stuff online, even in the local community. I can imagine your disgusted ewws when reading about diapers and such, considering your interests and hard limits listed- most definitely I'm not interested in such either. I hope you enjoy looking at my profile picture, although you might notice that I picked a fully clothed picture of me as you did. I should very much like to chat with your master as you need his permission to go beyond much more than a simple reply.


No reply yet. I'm guessing that being a lifestyle submissive that she's very busy at least with running her master's home, if not also engaging in some out-of-the-home gainful employment. If only more people understood how very powerful, very sure, very strong many submissives are, especially when they have taken it to the lifestyle degree. It takes such a special person to do that. Hopefully in the morning, I will find a response. I'm not sure what to make of her master not having a profile as well. Maybe we'll take it to another social media platform? What does this say of his interests? I wonder if this implies the potential of a polytriad of the V shape, with Josephine as the point.

Well enough pondering for the night.
With luck, I'll be her Mommy soon.


(UPDATE- for those reading after the fact, here's the link for Mara's next blog entry: http://joellecasteel.blogspot.com/2013/11/mommys-blog-maras-on-her-way-to-joey.html . The link and one more post after this post.)

Friday, November 8, 2013

#SatSpanks ... a test drive?

It's Saturday Spankings time again! I do so love my spankings :D . 8 (or so) sentences of spanking fun. After you've enjoyed my snippet, please join the other spankos- their links are at the bottom of this post.

So you've gotten to IT. :D Would you like a taste of Harlequin's spanking? And Hatsu and Etan's flirting as the beautiful Japanese Domme spanks the spandex-covered submissive's ass?

If you want a refresher, first read Harlequin begging for her spanking here. Then continue on to some chat between the women before Hatsu leads the party to a private room in the BDSM club here. Then Etan and Hatsu iron out some details here.

"Why so quiet, girl?" Etan urged Harlequin to turn her head towards him.

"Feels so good, Sir," Harlequin gasped. Her hips reared up, bringing her ass into Hatsu's next round of slaps.

"I know why she needs a spanking." Hatsu lifted her warm hand to touch Etan's cheek. "You wanted to see me spank her first."

"Guilty as charged, Miss." Etan's eyes twinkled.

1 more snippet from this scene coming... do you think Harlequin will ever get to come, now that she's finally getting her spanking? :D
Please enjoy the other hoppers... links below:

#SpankingRound Don't you DARE tell me I'm just listening to patriarchal conditioning! Spanking & Feminism

This week, Casey McKay is our fearless leader in this conversation. She'll need it reading mine :D. I joked with my friend that "It's coming out pretty hostile." She suggested maybe I should try writing later, but I said, "No, they'll expect I'll be hostile with a topic like this."

Let me say from the outside that "feminism" and I have had a rocky relationship my whole life. In feminism's name, my mother was cold, was non-nurturing; as an adult, I can see it was an excuse- she was a broken person and doesn't even seriously believe in any type of feminism. I lost my virginity to rape at age 13; mother said I was a slut, that I deserved it, that it wasn't really rape. Somewhere in the next year or so, I started doing a variety of drugs and engaging in sex work to support a drug habit that quickly got out of control. Somewhere in that I came out as bisexual and was introduced to BDSM by my first girlfriend. The messages about feminism that I heard didn't quite speak to me- they told me I shouldn't do sex work, that it was bad, that I was bad for doing it, or that I was a poor victim, that it wasn't exactly my fault.

The second wave feminism I learned about did not want me. I learned that very well before I got to college. However I tried hard to be involved in various liberal activist groups at college. After all, I was about as bisexual, I was interested in environmentalism, I was Wiccan. Most important, so I thought, I believed that all people were equal, should be treated equally by the law, even when they chose to live in power imbalance relationships (ie lifestyle BDSM.) But those little girls- for their behavior said "little girl" not woman- told me I was wrong. That I couldn't be a feminist because I wanted to live as the submissive in a power imbalance relationship. That I couldn't be a feminist because I was open to engaging in sex work again. I should know better, they told me. I was setting women back, they told me. I made "the wrong choice."

"Radfem." Andrea Dworkin. Yeah, it might be unfair to name her, but when thinking of sex-negative feminists, those fitting the "hysterical man-hater," she comes to mind. Interestingly, when I skimmed a Wikipedia article on her before starting to write this paragraph, she was quoted as saying that people misunderstood her, that "all heterosexual intercourse is rape" is an oversimplification. So I'd finished a first draft of this article for the roundtable, saying "I'll come back to it before Nano starts." In the intervening time between the first draft and scheduling the post to publish on 11/8, I went from being a participating member to a admin to leaving a sex-positive feminism group. It was a radfem's attack of me for not exactly accepting another woman's perspective that lead me to leaving. As I vented in my Facebook status- how ironic it is that a woman drove me from a "feminist space." Not a man, no, but another woman who couldn't disagree with me in an adult manner. However, it is these radical feminists that I think of when I think of feminists- yes, again unfair, but well, enough people tell you that you've made the wrong choice? That'll happen.

Hearing me vent about feminist theory once, my Master asked me: "Isn't feminism supposed to be about giving women more choices?"

So yes, I haven't directly mentioned spanking or domestic discipline- while I'm in sympathy with those who spank either as a sexual fetish or as part of DD, my story is one of BDSM. Of course, as I've settled into my Master's collar over the 13-ish past years and as I've learned about DD, I can see the places where sometimes our lifestyle is closer to DD than BDSM. But it's all good- do we really need labels? Even "not mainstream?"

To look at the specific act- or in my case, spanking and much more. I wasn't spanked as a child and I didn't spank my son- I think for different reasons though :D. It seems to me that "Were you spanked as a child?" is one of those irritating things that spankos have to deal with from those who don't understand. So yes, we're past that point in the conversation. While in spanking fiction, in BDSM fiction, in practice in any of the sexualities that include spanking, there are certain positions that are more common- yes, I recently wrote about OTK spankings and how they aren't my favorite. And of course, it seems the woman in a dress over a man's knee that so many of seem to enjoy, regardless of our sexual orientation is a "feminist's worst nightmare." Then there's the inability of some feminists- especially radical feminists- to admit that a woman "would chose this." And yes, you've read elsewhere in this post my venting about choice and agency because damn it, I chose lifestyle BDSM. I asked my Master for His collar, for everything that this relationship entails.

Of course when I saw this topic on the Spanking Romances page, I jumped at it. Many pieces of my life, both "job" and simply "life," have me thinking, speaking, reading, writing, and teaching about the "problem of BDSM and feminism" daily. I certainly do more of those activities than my Master- He just wants to live life, enjoy a good meal, some good sex, some good sleep.

One large piece of my life is activism with Leather & Grace UUs for BDSM Awareness. How many times have I heard non-UUs say "If a UU can't accept you..." as if all UUs are the most open-minded people. That's Unitarian Universalist- a faith movement- for those who don't know. And no, all UUs aren't the most open-minded people. We do tend to be more "liberal," although in practice I haven't always found that word so meaningful. Particularly as a polyamorist and a lifestyle BDSM-er, I've found heartache, discrimination among other UUs. And I'm not the only one- hence the organization. Now many UUs pride themselves on being feminists- take a glance back at the beginning of my post for my issues with feminism, if you need :D. In a strategy planning meeting recently, I vented at another steering committee member (yup, I hold office in the organization- 2, I'm also head of educational outreach) "I dare anyone to tell me my submission is an unexamined thing. I dare anyone to tell me my life is like some Middle Eastern woman who only knows that she's a woman so she's less." The vent went on (including the title of this post), but thankfully the other member understood it wasn't directed at him.

While feminism is supposed to support a woman in making the choices that are right for her, I haven't found that true in my life. Sometimes I've thought it was mostly radical feminists, but I'm not sure since long ago, I stopped trying to read feminist philosophy as it invariably left me upset. I am grateful for feminist work that has forced the workforce open for women so that more women can choose to be in the workforce; that positivity has been tainted for me by shrill cries of "you're setting women back." Yes, it may look like I'm living in an old fashioned, even a '50s style relationship; "look" is the operative word and I loudly proclaim as often as I can that the intent of my life is not that. I enjoy being spanked, enjoy all sorts of BDSM activities that could look horrible on the outside to "someone who doesn't understand." That doesn't make my sexual desires wrong; even homosexuality used to be considered a mental disorder. Further, with my writing both as an author and in my work with Leather & Grace UUs for BDSM Awareness, my choice to live in a BDSM, power imbalance relationship is not an un-examined choice perpetuating stereotypes.

I'm not sure if we at L&G have talked to any female dominants to tell theirs stories, but the often made comment to me by male kinksters (top, bottom, or switch) is "Do you think they'd be as angry at you if you were a Domme?" I hate to say it, but I think so; I don't think "they" would be as angry at what "they" consider to be my bad choice.

I don't think it's a bad choice. I think it's one of the best choices I've made- to be true to myself.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Cara Bristol guests to talk about her sci-fi, spanking romance "Breeder"!

So by now I hope you've read my review of this book, but please do enjoy Cara's article "The thrill of domination" before continuing on to "Breeder"'s blurb, excerpt. Then find out where you can buy the book and connect with Cara online.

The thrill of domination
By Cara Bristol

Being dominated is a sexual fantasy for some. For others, it’s a real lifestyle. For modern women who believe in equality of the sexes, what is the attraction of domination? Why is it hot? Why are BDSM and DD romance/erotica novels so popular?

The satisfaction of being dominated fills a need and allows one to express a submissive nature/personality. Domination complements submissiveness – provides the yang to one’s yin.

For others, domination may liberate one from guilt and responsibility that accompany sex. In our Western (and particularly American) culture people are preoccupied by what is considered “normal” acceptable sexual behavior. But because drives are so strong, even though teachings may deem a behavior “wrong,” we continue to engage in it but suffer guilt and shame for doing so. When one is dominated and “forced” to engage in act of sexual pleasure, one is relieved of the guilt that accompanies choosing the behavior.

(Of course, the flip side is that without the taboos, many sexual acts would not be nearly as exciting. For example, if everyone were having sex in public, what would be the thrill of exhibitionism?).

But this is just a wild-ass theory. Maybe domination is just hot. Maybe like Sigmund Freud said, “sometimes a cigar is only a cigar.”

Breeder, an erotic science fiction novel, sprang from an idea about women being dominated and enslaved by the law. Men had the legal right to use them at any time for any reason. Out of that notion arose a story of an alien male-centered, “androsocial” culture that values women so little, that sexually consorting with them becomes deviant and, in some cases, punishable by law.

Now you have the element of the taboo with domination--people fighting against their natural desires and impulses to conform to impossible social mores.

Breeder Blurb

To secure his legacy, Commander Dak, a ruling Alpha of planet Parseon, purchases Omra, a breeder slave. He intends to impregnate her, produce a son, and hand her off to his anointed beta partner. As Dak and Omra discover a sexual bliss banned by law, he begins to question the traditions and ways of his people, causing him to jeopardize his command and endanger the life of the woman he has come to love.

Breeder explores the concepts of gender roles and social prohibitions against deviant behavior. It includes graphic M/F and some M/M sexual content and domestic discipline.

Breeder Excerpt

If not for the sneeze, Dak would have exited the musty, dank corridor. But the muffled sound caught his attention. When he squinted into the darkened cell, he spotted a female crouched on a straw mat in the corner. He hadn’t noticed her on his way into the Breeder Containment Facility; the habitation unit had appeared empty.

Dak turned to the BCF director and sighed. “What about her?”

The beta’s already crooked mouth drooped farther in distaste. “My apologies, Commander. You don’t want that one.”

Sival’s disparagement piqued Dak’s interest. The director’s opinion had proven worthless; none of the breeders he’d preselected for inspection had rated close to satisfactory.

“I would like to see her,” Dak insisted.

“Very well, Commander.” Sival saluted and opened the habitation cell with a master entry card. Dak stepped into the small enclosure. The director followed, and the metal gate clanked shut.

The naked female drew into a tighter ball and tucked her face deeper into the crook of her arm. Other breeders had preened as soon as they’d noticed him and his chest-insignia identification. He wasn’t just an alpha. He was the Alpha.

This breeder’s lack of respect and failure to adhere to Protocol by acknowledging his presence struck him as odd. Dak frowned. “Is she mentally deficient?”

Sival tightened his lips. “No, stubborn, ill behaved. She would not befit an Alpha Commander.” He nudged the female’s hip with the toe of his boot. “Rise to your feet.” She did not respond, and he moved to prod her again. Dak forestalled him with a wave and grasped the female’s arm.

“You will stand.” He hauled her upright. She averted her face, so he grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. Tangled hair the color of black heating stones fell back from an oval face to reveal eyes like the Parseon moon. The glimmer of intelligence that sparked within the violet depths aroused his interest more than anything else he’d seen so far. Nature had bestowed the Parseon people with an exceptionally strong immune system so that they rarely required medical intervention, but breeders by nature were weak, and so many of the ones he’d seen had seemed dull or ill or both. This one’s skin, when unsmudged by grime and dirt, probably glowed like the pale sands of the Ospian Sea. He supposed, as breeders went, she wasn’t unattractive, although the stench emanating from her was. His beta would throw a fit if he dragged such a creature into their domicile.

“Why is she so filthy?” he asked.

“She refuses to bathe.”

As Dak scrutinized her facial features for shape and symmetry, he noted little imperfection or dysgenics other than her lack of hygiene and her gender. When cleaned up, she would please the eye, but to bear his sons, it mattered more that she be healthy and strong.

He released her face, stepped back, and assessed her from head to toe. He exceeded the height of most males, alphas included, while she stood smaller than the average female. The top of her head failed to even meet his shoulder. She was thinner than other breeders too, although her chest bore an abundance of fatty breast tissue. In the chill of the cell, her nipples had puckered to hard points. Despite the coolness, he was experiencing a rise in temperature. A dormant lust chose that moment to kindle, causing heat to coil in his abdomen and groin. He could not remember the last time he’d experienced such a spontaneous reaction—if he ever had. With the pads of his fingers, he probed the sides of her neck for swollen areas. The way she trembled under his touch aroused a sliver of sympathy. Breeders lacked courage, and uncertainty frightened them. Not all alphas and their betas treated breeders well. If he chose her, she would be adequately fed and housed. His command consumed his time and energy, which left his beta alone for long stretches. A breeder would relieve Corren of household chores and provide him with a physical outlet as well.

“What is she called?” Dak asked.

“Her sire named her Omra.”

Peace, it meant.

He parted Omra’s lips with his fingers and slipped a digit into her mouth, running it along her upper gum line to check the solidness of her teeth. At a flash in her eyes, he jerked his hand away a centisecond before she snapped her jaws together, so that her incisor only grazed the tip of his finger.

Sival’s face reddened. “Commander, I apologize. I will have her flogged.”

“Unnecessary. I will take care of it.” He unclipped the sudon from his belt.

Twitter  @CaraBristol

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Topic Tuesday- "Why do you want to write?"

So Jeff's question this week was "Why do you want to write?" I enjoyed seeing the slightly different question; more often I've seen "why do you write what you write?" With this also came the challenge of writing at least 500 words (723 was told before adding this statement lmao). I'm participating in Nanowrimo at the moment- yeah, pushing out words is a familiar thing now :D. Please make sure to click the Topic Tuesday button at the bottom and read what my fellow writers think on this question.

I started writing shortly after I started reading. When my first grade teacher started teaching sentences, I quickly got to story writing. I've been allergic to the sun since I was born- I have about 15 mins I can be outside and be okay without extreme safety measures. Unfortunately my school didn't believe me and it's not something easily diagnosed by a doctor so I had no support there. I spent a lot of time in elementary school hiding in doorways with books during recess, trying to lessen my sickness. All that reading helped my writing.

Doubly unfortunately, living in a conservative area meant that I received abstinence-only sexual education and my parents did nothing to remedy this at home. This came into play as a teen, when rape experiences, coming out as bisexual, coming out as kinky all happened within two years, becoming a large, important part of my identity. My first girlfriend introduced me to Anne Rice's "The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty." I loved the kink, the fluidity of sexual expression. I even loved the fantasy, fairy tale nature, although part of me hungered to see erotica written for people like me- sexual fluid, kinky, not hung up by modesty and what I felt were outdated morals.

I knew that the bodice rippers in the grocery store had little for me; yes, I devoured them because they were the main thing I could get my hands on, but I was always left wanting. I'd tried my hand at "erotica" with a strange take off on the movie version of Stephen King's "Children of the Corn"- it got nicknamed "the caravan story" because I wrote it while on a church field trip called "caravan" lol.

However when I was 15 and found a GLBT youth group, it was there that my identity, politics, and activism all got involved with writing and my sex life. And while I knew of "gay book stores," as a minor I couldn't get into them, so my writing continued- to produce the erotica that I wanted to read and couldn't get my hands on otherwise.

The series/serial that has dominated most of my adult writing started off as a birthday present for a dom. He was living in a coffeehouse so anything beyond serving and mental play was mostly off-limits. I wanted to show him in fiction how much I wanted him, how much I wanted him to claim me, to mark me openly as his. We were on-again, off-again, and the offs killed me. I hoped with this gift that we might go somewhere that he could finally enjoy me mixing genital-based sexual activity and BDSM. That didn't work out. The coffeehouse closed and he had nowhere to go. I lost track of him.

By then I was a young mother, an unhappily wedded wife. Thankfully we met my Master at a goth club and became a semi-happy poly triad. Master encouraged me to return to writing. I wanted to make that story I'd written for my ex-dom better, into a complete story. Over the years, politics and activism blended more into much of "writing as a political statement" as well as "erotic romance for people like me." I wanted BDSM and romance, even if the romance didn't look like greeting card romance.

I continue to want to write what I do because even with the advent of FSoG, even with wonderful erotic romance writers like many of my good friends writing in the spanking, DD, and BDSM genres, there still isn't always as much pansexuality of characters and "BDSM that isn't focusing on being an introduction to BDSM" as I'd like to see in fiction.

And finally I got to the point where "wanting to write" is the same as "wanting to breath" for me- I'm just surviving, not living, if I'm not writing.

Topic Tuesday Blog Hop

Friday, November 1, 2013

In praise of a dominant hand

When looking at men, I often notice their hands first. Specifically the size of them. I know, it wasn't the first thing I noticed on my Master (that was His eyes) but it was close. I was amused one of the first times my Master say Till Lindemann, the lead singer of the German rock band Rammstein. He joked that He saw an "ugly German guy"; I saw where their bodies are similar- Till has large hands too. With women, I notice long fingers. Of course with women, I tend to notice these things at inopportune times, like how I'm more likely to notice straight women.

But a large hand. A hand that can hurt as much as a paddle. I actually prefer a hand to most toys. Although one of the hottest lines- to me- that I've ever written is Simon from the Vala's Story series instructing some upper class slaves that "A leather glove is good when the spanking is for punishment, not for play.