Different types of BDSM

This post came to me largely from various negative reviews of Laura Antoniou's "The Marketplace." Yes, there were some typos and such that an editor could have fixed- I didn't take issue with those reviews. My issue is with comments that amounted to "I don't like this. Let me give it 1 star because this isn't how I see BDSM. It's military style- where's the love and romance?"

As I vented to a friend recently: "people, read the blurb!" It was obvious to me, as a person with decades experience in BDSM, that this wasn't "BDSM erotic romance." But I digress. Reviews aren't so much what I'm thinking about as types of BDSM.

BDSM as an acronym is an umbrella term- bondage, discipline, domination, sadism, masochism. And the various kinks, fetishes, interests that are considered BDSM by people are mind-boggling. Of course even there, there's disagreement. Like those fur-lined handcuffs? Those would seem to be bondage, but plenty of "vanilla" or mainstream couples use them.

Giving a nod to Laura's books (at least the first one that it the only I've managed to read so far), some dominants want their slaves trained in such a way and there are probably those out there who would use a service like that to find a BDSM slave. That isn't my Master however. We had casual sex at first, started incorporating BDSM. Then He collared me as His submissive. Love developed over the length of our relationship and He married me legally when such became possible- ex had been dragging his feet on giving me the divorce I wanted until he was ready to remarry.

I find what that reviewer called the "military style" of BDSM intriguing. The people receiving slave training lived dorm-style. They had schedules, items allowed them, etc. Their lives during training were closely controlled. I might not want that IRL, but as BDSM erotica, I found it arousing. However, I don't think it's as rigid as all that- parts of the training where most definitely formulated based on the person's strengths, weaknesses, what sort of role they'd do best at.

Back to IRL, I know that there are BDSM relationships (both monogamous and polyamorous), where the sub was always naked, slept in a cage or somehow bound. As a mother and an educator, I would point to that "always"- there's always an exception to the rule :D. But really, I've had people assume that I'm naked 24/7 because I live in a "Master/slave" dynamic. Well no. There's a dog to take outside. There's a teen to raise. There're home chores that are unsafe to do while naked. It's a regular joke about "Are you going to put something on to cook bacon?" because I do live clothing optional lol.

With ageplay, I've learned a ton about expectations and about them not fitting every reality or relationship. It seems online or with people who don't know much about ageplay, the term is synonymous with infantlism or "adult diaper play." Of course that's not the only type of ageplay, but it seems that that's the type that is most taboo in people's minds, so it's the type thought of. In my Nanowrimo WIP with the working title "Mommy," I'm experimenting with a "Mommy/little girl" dynamic (I'm told by other authors this makes my story different) as well as a "little" who pictures herself more as a young teen (like maybe 13 or 14).

So a message I've said before and in many ways, we need to learn that our personal squicks shouldn't lead us into judgment of a BDSM activity- consent is the key, whether that be a man consenting to be tied to a bed or a woman consenting to her domme to give her an enema... and millions of other things.