This blog will contain...
...profanity, sexually explicit dialog andadult imagery.
If you are under 18 and/or offended by this...

Thanks fiona, from "Sir Q and Me" for the warning message that just makes me melt. :)

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Being a lifestyle submissive doesn't mean I never get angry

Yes, as my title states, just because I'm a submissive doesn't mean I don't every get angry. Hell, if we're talking about anyone but my Master, I can go from 0 to "homicidally angry" in seconds lol.

I believe I've commented a few times about my Master's shitty work schedule. Don't get me wrong- He has a great paying job that allows us to live a decent level of comfort while my jobs don't bring any significant amount of money into our finances. He loved going to work, until management changed to the current horrendous schedule. 3-2-2... don't know what that means? Well join the rest of the world; when talking to people, I find I'm usually defining that. 3 days on, 2 off, 2 on, 3 off, 2 on, 2 off. He doesn't have the same day of the week off 2 weeks in a row. Add to that the 12 hour shifts, an hour a day spent in commute, and once a month shift swings (from day shift to midnights)- I'm sure most people can picture what that'd do to any relationship.

Master is constantly tired, constantly sick. Things needed fixed around the house can go for days, even weeks in the case of the kitchen sink. He also disagrees with me on a bunch of things, from religion to politics. He hates all political correctness, even as I see some good and some bad in it. In the election cycle where Sarah Palin was the Republican vice president candidate, I have to say to Him- "Master, if You want me to keep a submissive tongue in my head, You gotta not talk to me about that woman!" At the time, He thought she was great.

I think when it comes down to it- Master tries to talk about things before they get bad enough to be an argument, encourages me to talk openly (no needing to ask permission to speak openly as the slaves in Vala's Story do) about what I'm feeling. Of course, a lifetime of avoiding confrontation in my closest relationships and my first tendency to keep my feelings to myself (as a bipolar person, I know my emotions can be overwhelming to those who aren't and I never want my bipolar to cause another person discomfort, even if I'm forever failing that with my Master), these tendencies complicate matters. When the communication is going better though, I certainly have a lot less anger, but the bigger thing is how I try to handle my anger. It isn't always good- I internalize, take out my anger on myself far too often. Then there's the days that I manage to funnel my anger into a hot BDSM scene in a story. I might get whiny and try to provoke Shaman into beating me, whether He's necessarily interested in BDSM activity at the moment. But that whiny is the closest I'll get to any of the more common fighting that happens in a male/female relationship in this culture. With the recent exception of the sink (I kept mentioning the sink until Master ordered me not to say "the sink"), I tend to avoid nagging behaviors. The idea of screaming and/or swearing at Shaman- yeah, that doesn't work for me either. LOL, sure during the day as I stew about how I'm irritated, I might get as far as calling Him a dumb fuck in the internal babble that's always in my mind, but to His face? Nope, there's not going to be any dumb fucks, even with His title attached.

In a way, I've chosen to let my submission, my involvement in a BDSM relationship to inspire me to better behavior. Which in effect means treating my Master not just with the respect that is due that role, but treating Him in a more decent way, a way all people should try to treat each other.

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