This blog will contain...
...profanity, sexually explicit dialog andadult imagery.
If you are under 18 and/or offended by this...

Thanks fiona, from "Sir Q and Me" for the warning message that just makes me melt. :)

Friday, January 23, 2015

My life apart from where it connects with my Master

I know I've written about assumptions before. Today I'm going to take on this notion of how much and how my life is affected by being a lifestyle submissive. I think this is probably one of the most frustrating set of assumptions I deal with, especially because people to whom I've been out as a sub for awhile will continue to be confused on this issue. If you aren't familiar with the idea of BDSM protocols, I suggest you go read this post of mine: http://joellecasteel.blogspot.com/2013/05/bdsm-protocols-what-are-they.html .

Now when it comes to protocols, my Master and I are still pretty much low to medium protocol, leaning closer to low. We certainly have less in the way of rituals or protocols than you'll find in much BDSM erotic romance (including my own- to grab the example of The Queen, I'll remind that he is firmly medium protocol in the way he runs his stable, sometimes bordering on high protocol. His slaves have expectations on title use whereas my use of my Master's title is much more controlled by who we're around, what we're doing).

I go places without telling my Master where I'm going.

Take another look at that... I do things like go shopping, going out with friends, taking our teen places and I do these things without getting my Master's permission before doing them, sometimes without telling Him because He's asleep and I expect Him to still be asleep after I return home.

I also have conversations that I don't tell my Master about, unless He specifically asks. Let me share an example of this: on Tuesday evening, I made plans with a friend to go to the gaming store that my Master was also going to so that I could take our teen to play games there. While at the store I was in the same room as my Master, but my attention was on my friend, with whom I was talking about a bunch of things (like an article about why cisgender people shouldn't consider the term cisgender oppressive by that term from everydayfeminism.com) and Unitarian Universalism (my friend's and my religion, but not my Master's). Sure, if He'd come up and asked what we were talking about, I would have told Him, but I didn't seek out His permission to engage in a conversation that I'm pretty sure He wouldn't want to be included in.

I think part of the problem is that people (especially online) act like "lifestyle submissive" is the whole of my identity. If you notice in the above paragraph, I acted as "mother," "friend," "spiritual person," and "activist/educator" apart from interacting with my Master. This is a regular thing for me, all these pieces of who I am. And furthermore, by the time you're all reading this, I'll have made a late night trip to Meijer to buy myself a new swim suit because my parents are coming to visit to take my teen and myself to a water park for birthdays (my dad's is already happened- there'll be a card for my Master, He who will be sleeping because He works- and mine coming up on the 27th)... the suit I had for when teen was still a pre-teen and going to a homeschool co-op no longer fit my body. Master pissed me off by lecturing about exercise- yeah, I want to drop like 30 lbs, but it's not going to happen overnight so I'm buying a new suit.

In irritation once I snapped at a UU friend, "Don't assume what I need to ask Shaman's permission for. If I need to ask His permission first, I'll say so. Otherwise you can stay out of my relationship."


  1. Great post Joelle! People do make assumptions due to lack of knowledge of the lifestyle. There is also the fact that every couple practices differently.

    Hope you have a great time at the water park. Wishing you an early Happy Birthday!


    1. thanks for the comment and the birthday wishes, Roz :) I made the first decision of "modest shirt but no bra" (my mother will be halfway happy lol) and I'm not emergency cleaning because she's never satisfied anyway. Yeah, each couple works out what works for them :)

  2. Happy, Happy, I hope its a great one.

    1. thanks, Maggie :) as long as my mother doesn't call at way too early to wish me a happy birthday :D

  3. Replies
    1. thanks, Angie :) I'm just glad I got "Mommy" finished, got the rewritten part to my BRs, and got signed up for #Satspanks :D I have so much reading to enjoy tomorrow since I'm still working on this week's #WIPiTuP

  4. A very happy birthday and a healthy and peaceful year.

    1. thanks, Laurel :) it's going good so far :) wishes for your family as well