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...profanity, sexually explicit dialog andadult imagery.
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Tuesday, February 10, 2015

#Taboo2sday The term "fantasy shaming" makes me see red

Taboo... your taboo and my taboo are often different things


For the record, this is a "Fifty Shades of Grey" post- both books and movie.

One thing I've seen recently is the claim that saying FSoG is bad is fantasy shaming. That pisses me off. But then I see cries of shaming as attempts at silencing. Now before you start to get angry and try to point out privilege, I'm a member of various minority groups. Backing up though, fantasy shame- we're shaming people for their fantasies? What about people who live and breathe BDSM? Who enjoy elements and relationships including BDSM? IMHO, FSoG perpetuates dangerous myths about BDSM, about people like me. There's lots of books out there- many pure fantasy- but not as many as widely read and taken as fact as FSoG. I reserve my right to shame it <evil grin>.


7 comments:

  1. Hi Mrs Casteel, i read & enjoyed FSoG trilogy as fantasy nothing more! It was the first BSDM novel i read, until then i had read blogs & tumblrs. Yes i was new to BDSM but i knew enough to see the flaws in FSoG & not take it for fact! But i fear many vanilla people reading or now watching it will take it for fact & that needs to be addressed as it gives a false & dangerous impression of the BDSM lifestyle!

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    1. thanks for your comment, Clare. That is a big worry for me- how many vanillas won't see the problems you saw. But really for me, I experience much of the stuff about FSoG like an African American experiences "black face." Seeing the anti-FSoG movie petitions online, I'm reminded that while the books and movie don't represent me, to many people they do.

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    2. If you mean you feel FSoG typecasts all kinky or BDSM people with the same brush to vanilla people. Yes i can see that & do worry because it is wrong, it gives off a false impression of the community & those who live the lifestyle as all being the same as how FSoG portrays BDSM & those who live it!

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    3. That's definitely a way of saying it, Clare. Especially because I see FSoG as showing sexual abuse, not consensual BDSM. The way Ana is written, she is too inexperienced to give knowledgeable consent. Also she has a safeword with Christian, but at least once in the trilogy, she uses that safeword and he fails to respect it. Whereas I'm aware of what's happening in my relationship with Shaman, while I'm aware that I can leave if I had to, Ana doesn't have the same thing with Christian. He manipulates her, isolates her from people who care about her. She even leaves and he whines and throws fits until she comes back- to me, that's abuse, not BDSM.

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    4. Ana in my eyes would of had to of lived in a closet in a monastery to of been as innocent & nieve as she was written! Not to mention her room mate would of taught her quite a lot being so world wise! Yes Christian was abusive & also ignore Ana's safeword, he was also awful at aftercare! The fact that vanilla people will either see nothing wrong in all that [see as just part of the fantasy story as too rapped up in the sex] or worse will then think all people into BDSM are like that is fightening. i do not know whats worse, being thought of like that [thankfully i know we are not] or that people will think its ok to be like that or expect it to be like that! This was a fantasy Ana's unrealistic character is the first clue to that, but it touches on many realistic facts that are beyond touchy. i am so glad you are in a safe relationship & can educate others about all the wrongs in FSoG & can teach them the right ways!

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  2. I think the problem is that it's definitely possible to critique FSOG in a "fantasy-shaming" mode, and it's definitely easy for vanillas to latch onto that way of looking at it. I take solace in what seems to me the truth that we know who we are, even if takes reading that naughty book that everyone's talking about to figure it out. :D

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    1. well true, I think the whole conversation is way too complex. I think that's part of what upsets me about the fantasy shaming claim, Emily, and thanks for the comment btw. I know part of what I bring to it is that my path to being comfortable with my sexuality happened long before FSoG and when I think of the "BDSM literature" that made my teen years- talking about "Story of O" and Anne Rice's Beauty books here, because while I love de Sade, there was no worry on consent there at all :D- but those books were self-consciously fantasy. It's almost like, there's too much reality in FSoG for me to stand the utter falsehoods within the books. Sure, I enjoy looking at the fantasy of a rich dom claiming me, but I still hit with over a decade of BDSM experience... I've negotiated with dominants for what we both wanted. But then, I hardly remember being innocent in the way that Ana is written... and when I was innocent like her, it was as a pre-teen, not a woman over the age of consent.

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