Warning

WARNING

This blog will contain...
...profanity, sexually explicit dialog andadult imagery.
If you are under 18 and/or offended by this...
THIS IS NOT THE BLOG YOU ARE LOOKING FOR

Thanks fiona, from "Sir Q and Me" for the warning message that just makes me melt. :)

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Sexuality & religion, BDSM, kinky, polyamory- I am a UU #sexUUality




Before you begin reading, I want to say today's post is not only breaking a lot of boundaries, it also contains a bunch of links. Many of these links are for you the reader to gain extra knowledge if you so desire.

I spend a lot of time thinking about boundaries. You see, what many others consider acceptable boundaries around discussion of sexuality, identity, and religion aren't the same ones I keep. I've had people pass on the received wisdom that talking about religion may mean that I'll sell less books; whether or not that's true, I refuse to follow that wisdom.

I live my whole life as a Unitarian Universalist. Whether I'm cleaning my Master's house, interacting and/or working online somehow, enjoying sex with my Master- and the many other things I do every day- I never stop being a UU throughout it. I am grateful to belong to a religion that does not devalue the body and bodily experiences (like some forms of conservative Christianity for instance). This is not to say my religion is perfect, neither I am. Although I did love :D a quote about love from one of my ministers recently :D.

Now I've already admitted that I'm not good at maintaining boundaries- I would like to qualify that by "boundaries that other people try to see without my impute that aren't about their own self-care." One thing that comes to me is the simple need to talk about sexuality so that it's normalized, so that it doesn't stop conversation- related especially to the birth control conversation, another UU's #sexUUality post clarified this for me- I love the title "warning: this post is about sex." :D

Have you come back yet from my fellow UU's post? :D Jordinn certainly did have a lot of good things to say. I'm going to outline for you the places where sexuality and my religion most intersect for me- my sexual identity that includes being bisexual, polyamorous, kinky/BDSM-identified, a cisgender ally of individuals who identify as trans or somewhere not on the gender binary. We have many affinity groups within UU-ism. At the moment, the group Interweave Continental, which is our GLBQIA+ group seems inactive. I'm always meaning to get more involved with UUs for Polyamory Awareness, but stuck in mid Michigan in a married couple (while still being polyamorous and hoping for a girlfriend), I've felt odd and out of place with other poly people. As far as my kink identity, there is Leather & Grace UUs for BDSM Awareness, where I'm a member of the steering committee.

I guess you can guess which part of my sexual/relational identity is very strong and hasn't felt supported by other UUs I've engaged with? I am a lifestyle submissive. The Man I love in a romantic sense is my dominant and husband, although Don being my dominant came long before the husband thing. Repeatedly when talking to other UUs, whether they just attended on Sunday morning or were involved in various running/planning things as I am, I have experienced exclusion and discomfort because I am kinky. Often for something as little as my being invited to something and I replied, "I need to call my partner." No matter how I censor myself and try to minimize any word choice that shows that I am asking my intimate partner for permission (in a consensual BDSM relationship btw) has made me "other" among UUs.

My Master contends that I go places looking to cause offense and be offended- He's not a UU, but I'll give Him some credit on His comment lol. The thing is, when I was having a problem at one UU congregation and I talked about my issues with some friend at the local munch (BDSM gathering), she said "But UUs are so open-minded. If you don't feel welcome there, then where?" Thus L&G's place in my life. I've been lucky though- while I was uncomfortable at one UU congregation in part because of my kink identity, I wasn't forced to leave. I have not been fired from a UU job for being kink-identified (even if I've felt a lack of pastoral care or welcome as a religious educator because of my identity). Others have not been so lucky and that's part of why L&G exists.

Something I often have to keep in mind that not everyone can be or chooses to be as open about their sexuality as I am. It doesn't even occur to me to worry about L&G's membership lists being kept confidential- even though they are confidential. However when it comes to other people, issues of confidentiality, of non-consensual "outing" are huge in my mind. I recently didn't share pictures of friends for a "love of friends" service at church (I go to the online Church of the Larger Fellowship) in part because of an ingrained worry for friends; I still remember friends getting threatened in high school merely for being my friend.

Before I let you go to read more of the links I've shared in this, I want to let you know that I'll be blogging more over the rest of February under the #sexUUality hashtag. My plan is at least 7 more posts- we UU's have 7 principles (but no creed) and you can read our principles and other beliefs summarized here- where I'll take each of our principles to focus on BDSM, polyamory, sexuality, and how they all figure in my life.

One thing my friends have gotten rather used to with me is nothing being "too much information" or "a forbidden topic"- I'll attempt to comment on most anything. So yes :D I pooped today :D It's late enough (my Master's works 3rd shift) that I don't think I'll be having sexual intercourse in any sort of traditional or pedestrian manner... I do hope to invite one of my dominant characters to enjoy one of his slaves for my enjoyment.

4 comments:

  1. Dear Mrs Casteel, firstly can i say i am both envious of & admire your ability to live such an open life, but at the same time i do not think i could stand how people would react. You are incredibly brave! i understand you protecting your friends, i am sorry that even in your church you have come up against the wall of discrimination, even without my kinky side being know i came up against that wall in my church for many other reasons none of which were religious. i went to a CoE church not very stricted but with rules, but i find churches to be clicky & if you don't instantly fit in you never will! because its mostly about the peoples beliefs & upbringing & not the religion. Even in RL i have only been able to be totally honest with 4 people about my kinks [one of them is you for which i am very grateful] i could never admit my kinks to my parents church friends, they would be horrified.

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    1. thanks for the comment, Clare. I had to laugh at "Mrs. Casteel" though- I still have the "Mrs. Casteel? That's my mother-in-law, not me." response :D Thank you for the compliment about me being brave- it always strikes me though because the idea of lying about who I am is such a frightening thing that I can't imagine it.

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  2. Dear Mrs Casteel,
    sorry about that but i was brought up to use manners & as we do not know each other that well it felt rude to address you by your first name, but at least it made you laugh! i guess i've had to live this way hiding who i am since i was 14! So yes my life's a lie except to myself & a few people, who understand why. Yes i am a coward when it comes to life, but you know that. If it wasn't for the brave people like you i would not be able to admit to myself who i am & explore my kinks!

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    1. I don't think you're a coward, by we do each have to make decisions based on our lives, what's available to us etc

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