I have a contentious relationship with anal punishment in spanking romance, while anal play is something I really love. So contentious is my relationship with anal as punishment that I've already written on it and had debated even taking part in this until I saw Corinne Alexander's questions and decided to take part in this Spanking Romance round table discussion. After I've answered Corinne's questions, I'm going to see what I had in that other post and if there's no book promotion, I'll include the link to it at the end.
I want to enjoy any anal penetration shown in spanking romance, however when it's used as a punishment, depending on a number factors from how I'm feeling that day, how the BDSM activity portion of my relationship with my Master is going, to how the author uses it. I come at this from a few angles and yes, as you all no doubt expect, I'm quickly going TMI here.
For several months I had something wrong that made defecating extremely painful. I finally went to the ER (I had no health insurance at the time) and was given medicine to treat a bacterial infection. For a woman who has long longed anal intercourse, the long suffering from the infection left a definite negative mark on my psyche; I still struggle to relax and remember that I enjoy anal just as much as my Master.
As someone who is interested in sex positive, comprehensive sexual education- which I feel doesn't happen often enough in public schools, in families, or any other place young people could receive such education to have a healthy and happy sexual life as adults- I find the fact that anal penetration being used as a punishment as reinforcing taboos that stand in the way of healthy sexual lives. While I don't intend to nor do I try to teach through all of my writing, I do try to do so often. Considering how many of the conversations about "Fifty Shades of Grey" that were had by more vanilla types who giggled and acted like schoolgirls in a high school gym locker, it seems to me that spanking romance (nope, not putting FSoG in exactly the same camp :D) has the chance to enforce or disrupt negative images around anal penetration.
So now that I've talked about the negatives, I want to touch of what I love of anal play in spanking romance. One specific thing that I've tried to introduce the idea of to my Master :D- the idea of lubed fingers penetrating first, almost like an anal fingering, before intercourse happens, if the author does include anal intercourse in the couple's sex life. I do love the descriptions, whether it's a few sentences or a few paragraphs, describing this loving, sensual penetration. With fair regularity, I manage to get this anal fingering into my writing.
Because I found some promo in the original post (and it was from 9/13- I was already thinking about anal as punishment then!) and the whole post was over 1000 words, I'm going to paste in some of my thoughts from there.
I don't know, maybe it's my own outlook more, but it made sense to me that in spanking fiction, anal activity would be a norm. As in the use of fingers, sex toys, penises in the anus. I wasn't surprised to find that.
More info on my sex history- much of my sexual history starts off with the fact that I didn't get appropriate, comprehensive sexual education at school or at home- my school district use abstinence-only sex ed and my parents avoided the topic. This lead to a number of problems for me (including not having the language or knowledge to say that I didn't want to have sex when I was 13).
Thankfully when I came out as bisexual when I was 15, I wasn't too far from the only (at the time) LGBT community center in Michigan. It was there in the youth group that caring adults where able to fill in the huge gaps in my sexual education. I learned about all number of things from STDs, safer sex, and the fact that my sexuality was my own. It was also there that notions such as "anal sex is dirty" started to be pushed out of my thoughts and any other moralizing thoughts of what is right/wrong in sex. Consent was the only important thing in my book.
Things get a bit messy (please forgive the pun :D) because I realized around this time that I loved anal sex, but that for me, it included deep feelings of submission so I decided to save it as something I only did with dominants. See, my first girlfriend had introduced me to Anne Rice's "Sleeping Beauty" trilogy and while I wasn't old enough legally to get my hands on information about BDSM, I knew I was interested. I loved Beauty's deep submissions- I longed to feel that for a dominant. Of course through various fits and starts of trying BDSM on for size, I got to where I am now- wearing my Master's collar for about 13 years now.
Thinking on this post as I was doing laundry (because my life includes service, sex, submission- multiple pieces of BDSM), I realized- part of the way my sexuality works, it's not about what "society" approves or disapproves of, it's what my Master and His thoughts added to the parts of me that refuse to mesh with what He thinks. For example, I love enema play but unfortunately it's a hard limit for Him. Now my Master's sexuality, personality is such that He doesn't care much of what society thinks either- in a way, taking me further away from the "mainstream" that He teases I don't understand because I'm not part of it. This has all led me to a place where notions such as "naughty," "dirty" only have power if they do to Him. He experiences anal as enjoyable so therefore that's my primary outlook. I really can't imagine ever using anal anything as a punishment.
Anything that puts sexual anal activity in a negative light gives me pause. It's part of the homophobic knee jerk response that allows the dichotomy of "two men are gross" while "two woman are hot." I also think in our society lives with too many schizophrenic mixed messages about sexuality. That's not to say that I don't get aroused from reading "anal as punishment" scenes within spanking fiction- I very much do- but I do struggle because for me, I don't bring any of the humiliation, the "teehee, it's naughty" type stuff into my IRL sex life. True, it's fiction, but it's fiction meant to arouse. This is a dichotomy I walk in my own fiction because I want to show living, healthy BDSM relationships.
And yes, as my background currently, that's my Master in His pirate garb holding a leather stein He made Himself. It's literally as big as my torso- a funny sight when I'm carrying it for Him.