This blog will contain...
...profanity, sexually explicit dialog andadult imagery.
If you are under 18 and/or offended by this...

Thanks fiona, from "Sir Q and Me" for the warning message that just makes me melt. :)

Friday, August 8, 2014

Loving your play partner and engaging in edge play anyway

If you aren't already familiar with the BDSM concept of "edge play," I want to send you over to the submissiveguide.com to read Luna KM's definitions of the phrase- http://www.submissiveguide.com/2011/08/what-is-edgeplay/ . Yes, edge play can be very risky. Given my personal focus, both IRL and in fiction, on "BDSM within relationships," edge play becomes a comforting show of trust within a committed relationship, which is how I feel since I find edge play to necessitate more trust than any other sort of BDSM activity. Of course, we don't all agree on what it is; I'm forever surprised on my blog when I share things that don't seem all that extreme to me, but get verbal tongues a-wagging.

Even before I started blogging as an author, however, I've had experiences where a person online felt they had the right to judge, to police my BDSM activities. I wasn't directly involved in one conversation although my Master did tell me after the fact. In a BDSM forum, He shared about our interest and enjoyment with knife play; we hadn't done a lot at this point. Some person felt the need to lecture Him about how He was being irresponsible, wasn't being SSC, how He wasn't being a good dominant etc etc. I didn't matter to this person that I'd been the one to beg for this play or that my Master with His history of martial arts and choreographed fighting had an idea what He was doing with me.

Okay, here's were I'm gonna break with being educational, with being politic. I've been over-thinking this all day and not managing to write it. As you can imagine from the previous paragraph, I enjoy quite a few things that are considered edge play. Whether that's my Master pinning my hands above my head and practically fucking my face into the wall "until the drywall cracked" (yes, His words as He was enjoying talking about what we did the other morning) or I'm fantasizing what it would be like if He wasn't squicked by enema play and He'd willingly engage in something like my "enema for ownership" scene done with Vala's Story characters, I love BDSM activities that are outside the mainstream, outside what the (to me) silly little kits at Spencer's include.

Most importantly to me, I have never once questioned if it meant my Master does not love me because He agrees to be on the giving end of some edge play activities- like the knife play we've enjoyed in the past that was part of the inspiration for a knife play scene The Queen and Vala engaged in. I know He loves me- He not only tells me it in words, but by working hard to keep a roof over my teen's and my heads, by making sure I eat (recovering anorexic and hypoglycemic), and in dozens of other ways that happen in a long term relationship. I'm not living a domestic abuse meme; I entered the BDSM lifestyle knowing what I wanted, which happens to include sensation play, among tons of other BDSM activities.

Now I feel the need to swing back away from myself. While I talk about my Master's unusual training- martial arts and choreographed fighting, the latter which no doubt helped Him in the mindfuck part of the scene- that He spun into the ability to do knife play safely with me, edge play normally does require more training. This can start with things like getting basic first aid training from the Red Cross or a similar local organization. I'm at a loss on any specifics books to recommend that are how-tos on various edge play things- like knife play, breath play, ageplay, medical play- and part of me wants to say "ask at your local munch," but goodness knows how "local munch" can radically differ- for instance, what I find at a local munch in super conservative, almost rural Michigan and more progressive cities like Boston, NYC, or San Francisco. Also, don't be afraid to seek education in unusual places. Beyond the martial arts and choreographed fighting, my Master also brings significant understanding to our BDSM activities from His enjoyment in roleplaying; He jokes that He started playing D&D before it was even called that.


  1. It's funny, but I don't think the Chinese indulge in BDSM. Their idea of being edgy is making their white lover cook first, then clean the dishes, make them tea, take a long hot shower, and then MAYBE grant them the honor of their presence next to them in bed. And as if that wasn't anticipation enough, there may even be a short kiss involved, but it cannot be perceived as romantic. That would go against the ethic and they could have their Asian card taken away. =)

    1. lol poor Kage :D I'm sure in the privacy of your bedroom, your most honorable husband must be able to let loose :D But remember :D edge play is so dependent on the people involved. I run into that all the time- especially on the Taboo Tuesday blog hop that I do. What seems so taboo to some people- like group sex for instance- seems beyond tame to me lol I'm trying to picture the taking away of one's Asian card now hehe

  2. When we go to kink events, Jolynn goes out of her way to go to the Sharp and Pointy classes since I like knives and everything to do with them. (If you are on Fet, and have a fetish on your profile, you'll get the last reference.) Last Christmas I got a nice Gerber knife that technically I shouldn't carry on my person out of the house since it's not a legal carry size. I still want a custom one made for me from Hammerfell Armoury though.

    Anyway, the sharp and pointies downstairs are not for everyone, but I like them.

    1. thanks for the comment, Kathy. yup, not for everyone. but if people like it :D

  3. Oh Joelle, you are going to think I am hopeless with technology but I say it isn't so. Perhaps you must approve comments and that is why mine didn't appear, but that hasn't been the case in the past so I am reposting the comment that I thankfully copied before I clicked publish and it disappeared.

    If edge play has anything to do with love, it's that it demonstrates more love for you, not less. I haven't taken the leap from more or less harmless sharp and pointies like my claws and special rolling pin of tacks, but that isn't because I love Kathy, it's because I'm not confident yet to go all the way to knives. She knows this so I can't do the mind fuck of showing her the very sharp knife and then blindfolding her and slowly using a butter knife to go all over her body.

    My quest for the skills needed to make the leap is about my love, the desire to provide the play she wants is about my love, and when we do graduate to real knives, I will still love her. your master is providing experiences that trip your trigger. In my mind, a good dominant does that. I fail to see where there is a lack of love being shown. If he knew he was accident prone and had shaky hands but went ahead and did knife play knowing the probability was high that he was going to cut you, then I would cry foul. If he is secure in his skill then by all means, go and have fun. It's your business. You are not pulling an innocent bystander from the studio audience and subjecting them to your style of play, so those that say it isn't SSC can just shut up about it.

    1. Jolynn, have you ever read my Master's joke about technology and me? He jokes that technology is allergic to me lol- it just breaks when it has to deal with me... I type as I look at everything open on my poor laptop atm :D I'd changed posting to "registered account only"- I think was the setting. although for anonymous posting was just inviting too much spam, but I never turned on approval needed. Are you on an iPad? I've been reading about that causing all sorts of problems for commenting on blogger recently.

      That training part is so important! For my Master, the choice was to use a dull costume dagger, making it much more about the bondage and the mindfuck. Neither of us are into bloodsport, so a dual edge that wouldn't break the skin without significant force made Him comfortable in the doing. I imagine though, if I'd asked for sharper knives being used that He'd be very much in the same place of getting more training, as you are, and in Michigan, that can be really tricky. and notably to me, while He's been so sick and injured in the past year-ish, things like knife play haven't happened largely because He wasn't physically up to doing it safely.

      But yeah, not pulling anyone else in. At this point (it's been years now) I'm not entirely sure why my Master even got to talking about knife play in this forum. Sadly I think that experience was one of many that led my Master into just not dealing much with groups on Fetlife