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WARNING

This blog will contain...
...profanity, sexually explicit dialog andadult imagery.
If you are under 18 and/or offended by this...
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Wednesday, June 18, 2014

#SpanksA2Z #DungeonCrawl R is for rules, ritual, relationship

hmmm yes, 3 lovely R words from my perspective. It's a good letter and works with both the spanking A to Z challenge (the link is there today for a change as linky tools are acting up for me) as well as the Dungeon Crawl. Please follow the links to those following in both of these wonderful blog events.

If there's anything I don't get in DD, most often it's the rules. If you've happened to read earlier posts in this Spanking A to Z challenge, you're sure to have seen me vent about things like rules against swearing. I'm not sure how my opinions might be different if Shaman followed the medium protocol that The Queen does- I've worn His collar so long that I don't think much on what it would be like to have a different dom. I'm always intrigued with DD to see the rules of lists because they are usually much more precise than what I live with, at least at the beginning of a DD relationship or in DD fiction. In many ways, I realize we've settled into a "long term relationship," my Master and I, except He's never been big on specific rules. "Keep my house clean, keep me feed, keep clean underwear in my dresser." Yup, as I cried in my "O is for Organization" post, I need a Simon, the wonderful switch in the Vala's Story story-verse who makes order out of the potential chaos of the large family.
Most "rules" are things I've come up with myself- using some combination of Flylady and just common sense- like the rules for food. To up the protein in a dish if I'm trying to save on the amount of meat, I use minced TVP and make sure there's garlic powder in the dish; Shaman thinks minced TVP is minced garlic lol. Then there's "keep Chinese 5 spice powder on hand"- sprinkling that on a dish helps make a dish "Asian" to Him, which means I can add broccoli without Him complaining too much.

Rules for me flow into ritual. I have to remember that mine look different than BDSM books often, whether they be how-to or fiction books. One rule- "Unless you've eaten recently, you make your food and eat it before mine." While Shaman may have never said exactly those words, that's one of His biggest rules. You see, I have hypoglycemia. While I don't sit at a dangerous blood sugar level constantly, my sugar can nonetheless drop suddenly, whether I've eaten on schedule or not. Sometimes my crashes are tied to my emotions instead of anything I'd label reasonable :D. And yeah, He's had to threaten punishments in the past because I was so attached to some mythical "the Master always eats first," even though it stopped serving our reality not long into our relationship. So one ritual- "Master, are You hungry?" To which He responds, "Have you eaten?" Depending on my response, He might hold out on answering if He's hungry or not, or I might get a "Feed yourself first and then see about food for me."

Another ritual, equally as loose, is how I capitalize or not. While I don't generally call Him Master in front of our teen, otherwise, I still end more sentences than not with "Master" when speaking to Him and not horribly surrounded by "vanillas." Then there's in writing. Yes, I wander between calling Him "my Master" or "Shaman" [His nickname], or even more rarely His first name, Don. Then in pronouns talking about Him, I capitalize the H, anywhere it appears in the sentence. I don't when I'm sharing something He's said though- He doesn't like slashy speak (the Internet thing of typing like O/our to be inclusive of sub and dom types) and He finds dom-types who cap (other than the standard I of course, that being grammatically correct) to be ridiculous, wanna-be's. And in text, I don't bother to cap; it's too much effort really. And you see, none of this is what Master requires- it's a level of respect that I feel good about giving and as long as I don't use slashy speak, I think He kinda enjoys it.

However sometimes I find that I'd like more rituals- like I was preoccupied with the notion awhile after reading Dakota Trace's "Healing Hark" with wanting more ritual. Shaman doesn't even require me to beg or thank Him for my orgasms anymore :( although I can imagine that's quite a burden on the dom so I don't exactly blame Him. The thing is, it seems that any ritual we do have tends to be something we wander into, rather than Master specifically creating the ritual. Sometimes I wish He would do that, but I'm not sure He's interested, if that's even a kink of His. I'm half-tempted to go reading online, but trying not barraging Shaman with the articles (as I did with the maintenance spanking articles as I talked about in "M is for Maintenance (spanking)." The big thing currently, as it's been a few months now, is somehow getting my needs meet even as Shaman's body takes its sweet old time healing from His injured Achilles tendon and the blood clot that formed along with the partial tearing.  (Update- I did do this helpful search on the Submissive Guide- http://www.submissiveguide.com/topics/service/rituals-and-routines/ )

And finally I wanted to talk about relationships. It's a lovely moment in my WIP with the working title of "Week-long" when The Queen comments "While my relationships do not match the hetero- and mono-normative relationships prized by this culture, I do prefer to enjoy BDSM within a committed relationship." Over the years, I've found that I most definitely share The Queen's preference. Of course, I don't have access to BDSM clubs in the way he does, between being a billionaire and living in far more urban an area than I do. Maybe if I wasn't stuck in the middle of nowhere Michigan, maybe my perspective on where to enjoy BDSM would be different, but I always wanted commitment- again, not monogamous commitment. The idea of some random person whipping me, "making" me submit, etc just never appealed to me. In reading this often causes me issues, the focus on relationship rather than casual BDSM, as well as hard core play. I've only found a few authors who manage this balance in such a way that I really enjoy their writing. I've only read Tymber Dalton's first book in her Suncoast Society series, "Safe Harbor," but there was a submissive who needed a serious level of play, in addition to a polyamorous relationship, so I loved that. Then there is Patricia Logan, whom I've fangirled about in the past and plan to do so again for this weekend's Seductive Studs and Sirens blog hop, writes primarily male/male BDSM, although she has also published MM romance and MMF romances. I specifically appreciate her MMF romances because I dislike the MFM-sandwich approach with the men not being involved.



12 comments:

  1. Great post Joelle, and interesting to read your perspective. As you know, no rules/rituals here at the moment, but we areslowly making our way back. Many of the rules/rituals we rid have I think we just stumbled upon too.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. thanks for the comment, Roz. Sometimes around rituals, I wonder if it's one of those things that makes Shaman and I more like a DD couple than a BDSM one. The need to roleplay elaborate things just isn't there for either of us. And it still makes me scratch my head when people think that because of the M/s dynamic that I feel I'm less worthy as a person than my Master- that's just not how it is for me.

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  2. Loved the post Joelleand the insight to your relationship with your Master, and thanks for the mention. I do find it kinda of ironic though...I'm a bit behind you on the Spanking A - Z hop...(I take Saturdays off) and today's post is P is for Protocol....lol.

    Dakota

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    1. oh that's fun, Dakota- once I'm reading I'll have to go look. So far I've enjoyed Maren's post about protocol- K for know the protocol, I think is what she did. It's so easy for people to get hung up on protocols as they show up in books. I so loved Diachi's protocol about the "leaving for work" and "getting home" kisses in "Healing Hark"- you didn't rely on the "oo it's dark and there's leather etc etc" that too often is the thing in book protocols. you're welcome and thanks for the comment :)

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  3. Thank you for the peek into your private relationship. I often wondered how you handled using Master's title around your teen. We have kids the same age and I can picture the look on Sasha's face if I called Ali Master in front of her friends right before she fainted dead away. LOL

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    1. Well with many of Finn's friends being online, they don't have the tendency to be able to hear the moment when I do call Shaman "Master." The friends he has at the gaming stores, with them more often than not they don't hear it unless I'm engaged in conversation where I'm close enough to talk quietly- there are kids and mundanes at the gaming stores so that's a place I generally don't use His title. I wonder if maybe it's a boy/girl thing? After all, I'm the "cool mom," even when giving the explanation of "you're too young to be reading that legally." lol. And funny thing I just realized- He didn't notice about food this morning- I got Him cereal and haven't feed myself yet because I've been doing author work. I should probably fix that before He questions :D thanks for the comment

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  4. Terrific post and I love how you have established your own rules to follow, that's the only way I could possibly do it and even then, not always. I seem to have a thing about rules, regulations, restrictions, reasoning, - must be an R thing.

    As for Master, I want him around for a while longer and if he heard that, his heart would stop.

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    1. thanks for the comment, Leigh. Yeah, getting to our own rules has been important. And I so agree- I have a thing about them too, especially if anyone but Shaman tries to give them to me lmao

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  5. Great post, Joelle. Always love reading your thoughts.

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  6. great post, Joelle!
    My hubby is not as much into rules as I (think) I would like him to be. He's more of the "be respectful", and "use common sense" sort of rules guy.

    We do have an unspoken rule about my eating also. I have not been tested, but I show some pretty good signs of being hypoglycemic also :)
    LOL, sometimes, he just shoves food in my mouth when I get crabby.
    I don't know if I would actually like specific rules, if I got a bunch of them, but I do still fantasize about them. :)

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    1. yup, I'm totally there, Katherine lol. Oh the rules my poor fictional slaves with, probably because of Shaman's tendency not to have a ton of rules lol. He has jokes, like when I grab a protein bar means He has 45 seconds to get me food; if I was in a good mood, maybe He has a minute :D thanks for the comment

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