Warning

WARNING

This blog will contain...
...profanity, sexually explicit dialog andadult imagery.
If you are under 18 and/or offended by this...
THIS IS NOT THE BLOG YOU ARE LOOKING FOR

Thanks fiona, from "Sir Q and Me" for the warning message that just makes me melt. :)

Friday, May 2, 2014

subspace into subdrop part 2

So I'm being a kind blogger and giving you the link to part 1 right HERE. Now for those who've already read part 1, you got to enjoy BDSM and fucking through my breathy "Thanks, Master." It was a loooooooong post. OK, please forgive the silly dick joke; I'm enjoying a very rare bottle of beer as I write this. Today's portion is a bit shorter but comes with a different warning than my writing normally does. In yesterday's piece of the story, my Master brought me into a lovely subspace; now remembering that any submissive (whatever sort of TTWD they engage in, BDSM, DD etc) can experience subdrop in the hours, days, even weeks after a scene, I am bipolar, a recovering anorexic, have a rape and abuse history, have hypoglycemia. And the two friends who've read it so far could most definitely tell when the "subdrop" part started- if you struggle with depression, you might want to skip this, or at least stop with me falling asleep, because my thoughts in subdrop could be upsetting to you.

------

You hold me tight, Your fingers no longer pinching.

I enjoy the sound of Your breathing.

You remove the cuffs; I giggle as You toss them somewhere.

"Brat!" You slap my chest, cutting off my giggles.

"Sorry, Master," I groan. "I should move off You." Still shaking, I lift myself off Your cock- we both whimper at the separation- before lowering myself to the bed beside You. I turn my head to press my cheek to Your chest, closing my eyes as Your steady heartbeat comes into me.

"Let's rinse off." You struggle to sitting; I bite my lip, hoping You hadn't hurt Yourself with the sex we just had.

I hurry ahead, to go to the bathroom quick, and then start the water. A moment to clip my hair up and I hop into the shower. I stick a tentative hand out and find the water already heated up. My legs are still shaky. I lean against the wall under the falling water. I pull my bottom lip between my teeth when the curtain shifts, announcing Your arrival.

You wrap one arm around my chest. "Don't push back."

I groan at the sensation of Your warm piss hitting my lower back. I breath in, wondering if I still need to beg to come because I'm instantly ready again.

Your arm tightens around me; I shudder against You. "Crazy lady."

"Yes, Master." I keep my eyes closed as You move me in a slow circle, holding me still for the water to beat against my ass.

"Go ahead and dry off. I'll be there in a moment."

"Yes, Master." I step out of the shower onto the rug, feeling unsteady. Quick work with a towel, my hair released, and my shaking body I get back into bed. Bed clothes tossed with our movements, the warmth of Your body still running the length of the bed.

The water shutting off makes the quiet in the house ring.

I cuddle under the covers and close my eyes.

"Ready for sleep?" Your voice is sudden.

I must have drifted off. "Yes, Master."

"You sound contented."

"Yes, thanks, Master." I sigh at the soft rubbing of Your hand over my back.

-----
I wanna die.

Why is this the thought that greets me first thing when I wake? Good ass-fucking. Lovely orgasms. Master pissing on me.

I take stock of aches, echoes of pleasure.

I wanna die.

I shouldn't be overwhelmed. Dishes need cleaned; I doubt teen did them like I told him too. Chyna will need to potty soon. How late did I sleep in? Are those birds singing? Fucking birds.

I wanna die.

Laundry is backed up too. And there's promo to do. Gotta promote since this is just Monday fiction, not viewed as often as any of the hops. But why? Do I just suck that much at writing? Am I too weird? Push too many taboos?

I'm still in bed. No Shaman here. It's gotta be early if He hasn't come to bed yet. Fucking meds. Can't even sleep with Him because those fucking meds fuck up His sleep schedule so bad.

Stop. Why am I listing my stresses? He was in the mood; I managed to be in the mood and then really got to enjoy. He even pushed me into subspace with that lovely mixture of pain, pleasure, and begging.

No Shaman in bed. All by myself. Unless You count Pongo fallen onto His pillow and Ostara beside me. Fuck. I'm counting stuffed dogs.

I wanna die.

No, time to get up. Shower for real, with soap and stuff, get dressed. Then there's everything I have to do.

I sit in my armchair with a wince. The racing thoughts in my brain pause. That was nice.

"Aren't you supposed to feel better the day after I fuck your ass? Your expression is scary."

I look up to find You closing up Your computer and placing it on the floor in front of Your recliner.

"Yes, Master." I paused in starting my day of Internet interaction.

"Come here."

I struggle to my feet. I walk around the piles of things, trying not to notice too much all the cleaning I need to do in this room.

"I was just about to come cuddle with you."

I bite my bottom lip. Not going to feel bad.

"Stop it."

But how do I stop this guilt?

"Come here," You repeat.

Trying to climb onto Your lap makes me extra nervous now, with Your injured leg, that blood clot that could break off and kill You at any moment. I settle in, my ass falling between Your legs, my head against Your shoulder. I sigh at Your warmth, Your arms wrapping around me.

"Did I get up too quick that you're all crazy this morning? Or is this just normal crazy?"

I don't know, Master." I sniffle. I don't want to start crying and freak You out. I focus on the security of 

Your body, Your breathing. I grow warmer as You tuck the comforter around us. My racing heart beat starts to slow just a bit.

You kiss my forehead. "So let's try this again. Any reason you're already angry this early in the day?"

"I just woke up and thought of everything I need to do today." I wetted my lips. "He didn't do the dishes, did he?"

"I'm not sure when he went to bed- I must have dozed in my chair- but I never heard him turn on the water. But just do one thing at a time and don't worry so much."

"Yes, Master."

We sit in silence for a bit.

"If I go to bed now, which Joelle will I find when I get up? Will you still be pissed off?"

"I'm not pissed off now, Master. Just frustrated."

"You're relaxing now. I just need to hold you like a little girl?"

I laughed. "I guess, Master. Thanks."

------
I sit in front of my computer again. Messenger is firing up.

annikkawoods: hey
shamansslave: hey
annikkawoods: how's your day?
shamansslave: crazy. I should have woken up wonderful because Shaman and I had a real good time last night that He initiated, but instead I woke to "i wanna die" as my first thought. sighs. I wish I knew it if was subdrop, my bipolar, or what the fuck is wrong with me
annikkawoods: hugs
shamansslave: but Shaman held me awhile and I guess I'm feeling better
annikkawoods: I'd guess it's subdrop then 'cause your moods normally aren't fixed just by him holding you

shamansslave: I guess. maybe He'll be up to it again tonight. i hope

2 comments:

  1. Hi Joelle, I read part 1 last night and this tonight. The first part was hot! So happy for you that you had an amazing night together.

    I'm so sorry subdrop hit you the next morning. At least, do you think it was subdrop, or perhaps a combination? I'm so glad your Master knows you so well and knew something was wrong. It sounds as though he was attentive and took great care of you.

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks for the comment, Roz. But yes, it usually isn't a clear "what is this?" for me. While the piece as a whole was fictional, obviously enough of "what could happen" or "what has happened" is there. Like the "I wanna die" that was the big reason for the trigger warning; I haven't been actively suicidal in over 16 years, but these thoughts are something I struggle with. But a funny- as I was trying to edit this so it wasn't quite so long, I joked with my Master that I cut a bunch of words by making His dialogue shorter and simpler- ie as He'd actually speak. The important thing about subdrop is that it's individual to each person so this is what it usually looks like for me.

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