Warning

WARNING

This blog will contain...
...profanity, sexually explicit dialog andadult imagery.
If you are under 18 and/or offended by this...
THIS IS NOT THE BLOG YOU ARE LOOKING FOR

Thanks fiona, from "Sir Q and Me" for the warning message that just makes me melt. :)

Thursday, April 10, 2014

What is required for BDSM


Oh I hope this isn't too wandering of a post- I ended up saying at one point to Annikka that I thought I was overthinking the post, thinking of too many things. She got me to speak in a few sentences what the point of the post is. But before I get on much further in this post, I want to share two links with you. If you haven't read these two posts I shared for Romancing the Kink's "Dungeon crawl"- it's a crawl, not a hop :D. First came "What a Heavy Bondage"- because The Queen refused to cooperate with the light and airy anti-BDSM scene that I wanted to write- and then "On the beach"- in which he cooperated with my atmosphere but decided he wanted to make love to Vala more than he wanted to let her give him a BJ.

Okay so here's hoping you just a whole bunch a BDSM and fucking- well even if you already read those stories when I shared them in their turns for the Dungeon Crawl. Yes, in "Bondage," there's a ton of bondage. The Queen in his largess as a fictional dominant, a billionaire, has everything he wants to enjoy BDSM and in her turn, Vala. Although I did set up the interesting (at least to me) point of the scene as being him removing the bondage from her body to continue enjoying her submission, but in a different way. Now yes, The Queen cooperated with me in "On the Beach"- this was the warm, sandy, brightly lit moments that I'd thought of before trying to write "Bondage." There's really not much in the way of leather in this playroom; the sand isn't too good for it after all.

The Queen is most often said to be wearing a plain pair of jeans, when he's wearing anything at all. Just jeans. He has a few favorite pairs of classic blue jeans- there's jokes about them in a later book in Vala's Story. The Queen doesn't need black leather pants, mood lighting, Gothic music to be a dom; as he says in one of his slave's meeting stories, it's his will that makes him a dominant, not his pants.

Tom, my former dominant on whom The Queen was first based, he lived in the coffeehouse awhile. He didn't have a dungeon, didn't have all sorts of leather clothes. In fact, one of my clearest memories of his appearance is his body highlighted by a bodysuit, the fabric lovingly hold him everywhere, drawing my gaze between his legs, to his beautiful cock. Watching his hand move as he was drawing, watching those strong hands, feeling them on the back of neck, holding me in the position he wanted me in, that casual glanced would miss.

My Master, He says He has simple tastes. That can mean bending me over the kitchen sink and spanking me, making me pause in dish washing. And He likes the bed, because why wouldn't He enjoying fucking me after He's whipped me. But He doesn't require a dozen different whips, paddles, or other implements; His hand works just as well and often enough gives me mind-blowing amounts of pleasure anyway.

So are you wondering what those sentences were that I came up with when Annikka pushed me to define what the heart of what I wanted to say was? To me, if *you require* leather, mood lighting, props to "do BDSM," you're doing it wrong. Notice that I say require; gods only know that The Queen loves his toys, and my Master has a few favorite implements as well. But they don't stop being dominants just because they don't have a whip in their hands. I had one more thing, but it's not coming to me know. I did further talk about how I just have a very different perspective and yes, I ended up talking with my Master about this topic this morning. He commented about how our local munch didn't work for us; many were too into the props, too into spanking as if it was the be-all, end-all, better even than sex. I'd thought about how the focus on props today in the BDSM community at large is different than my sense of props in the Old Guard leather culture as it came into being from the leather, gay bars during and after WWII. There the leather, the jeans were an identifier, a source of community for people who often didn't feel anywhere else.

9 comments:

  1. RE: The "props" of BDSM. I've heard that referred to as "S&M"--"Stand and Model."

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    1. lol, I love that, KB. "Stand and Model." Thanks for the comment. That can definitely be a part of it. Like I think of the serving Tom coffee. It's something that's totally been written into my fictional dominant The Queen- the attention to the right amount of cream and sugar into the coffee, then slowly crossing the floor to him, trying not to spill any. Of course, when I was Tom's, I was normally doing this on stilettos and had many feet of cement floor to cross to serve him his coffee.

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  2. LOL KB! I've heard the "Stand & Model" comment before too. LOL

    All that's "required" in BDSM is consent, trust, and communication. That's it. Other than safety issues, obviously. The rests of the stuff is just that, stuff and trappings. My dog can carry a riding crop in his hand, that doesn't make him a Dom any more than some guy in leather chaps holding a crop is a Dom.

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    1. oh yes, Tymber, on consent, trust, communication. The safety things too. Admittedly that wasn't on my mind when I was ranting. I think too often those very important topics don't get touched on enough in favor of the trappings. thanks for the comment.

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  3. This is great, Joelle. In my books, my Doms love their leather and props. I think this is not because they need them to 'show off', though that does come into play when they are performing a scene over the internet or in the pit at the club, Invitation Only. In my character Zack's case, he dresses in leather at home for his playroom scenes with Cassidy because he understands that Cassidy requires his Dom to act/behave/dress a certain way. And if it gets too heavy, Vesper is always at the club with a bud vase or two. Haha

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    1. You know, it's funny, Patricia, but after I finished this post, I thought about Zack. I think for him in the case of his interactions with Cassidy at home, it's part of sexuality; it makes him feel good and my sense is that it's not just giving Cassidy what he needs. But it's not that Zack is listening to what other have told him- it's what he wants. Of course, this is just a fangirl's thoughts :D. But don't forget fairy lights- that was wonderful when Vesper put up the fairy lights--- other people reading the comments, Patricia and I are talking about her characters from several of her wonderful series, most specifically "Master's Boys" and "Invitation Only." As a lifestyle submissive who enjoys reading male/male interactions as well, I can't recommend her books enough.

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  4. The only thing required for S/m is an active mind!

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    1. Love it :) thanks for the comment, Michael

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