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WARNING

This blog will contain...
...profanity, sexually explicit dialog andadult imagery.
If you are under 18 and/or offended by this...
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Thanks fiona, from "Sir Q and Me" for the warning message that just makes me melt. :)

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Topic Tuesday- my support system as a writer

"This week I want to talk about the people in your life. Are they supportive of your writing or other life decisions? Is your support system more virtual, personal, or blood tied to you?"
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Well if I start with my biological family- mother, father, sister, brother- nope, they are not part of my writing support system, but then none of them are generally a part of my support system. I hate my mother- Kage reminds me that praying for her death only delays it so I'm trying to remember his wisdom. Mother and Dad try to give verbal support, but it's meaningless. My mother especially doesn't approve of what she knows of my life and if she knew I write queer erotica, that would only confirm for her that I'm going to hell. My brother and sister are 12 and 8 years older than me- we've never been close, however I'm getting quite close to my brother's girlfriend/sister's best friend and she is growing into a support. When I have to go for family visits- like for major holidays, she's an important emotional support. She was actually very excited for a paperback copy of my first book- I signed it to "my sister-in-fact" (I'm pretty sure my brother isn't going to marry her, to make for a third marriage, but she's certainly the sister-in-law that I'd love to have.) And speaking of in-laws, my mother-in-law is amazingly supportive, even being a 72 year old Baptist woman, and yes, my Master has explained I write erotica to her :D.

However there are three people who belong at the top, almost by themselves many days, as the writing support- my friend and beta reader Annikka, my Master, and my teen. Now Annikka really gets the top spot. She and I are constantly talking on messenger, talking on facebook- we belong to a few of the same writing groups, although we don't write the same genres. However her support goes far beyond just writing. We talk about Unitarian Universalism. We talk about our male partners and do a lot of listening, sometimes offering suggestions when said male partners give us something to vent about- yes, I'm a lifestyle submissive, but that doesn't mean I'm a doormat or that I don't sometimes get pissed at my Master. But yes, Annikka and I are clear across the country from each other so it is a virtual friendship. However we both tend to share those memes like on Facebook talking about virtual friends being as important as offline friends.

Not after Annikka (at least not beyond terms of how I'm mentioning them) comes my Master. Where much of the support I get from Annikka is emotional, mental, my Master's support comes in a myriad of forms. There's the 'simple' physical supports of earning the money that gives me a place to live, puts food in my belly, gives me clothes to wear (no matter how "clothing optional" I may live lol). Once we move past the physical needs, there's paying for electricity and internet so I can write, self-publish etc. And the relationship. As one character of mine says to another, "BDSM doesn't mean having to give up on love." And while the polyamorously committed relationship and collaring came years before the legal marriage did, there is certainly a love relationship at the heart of what my Master and I have. Then there's the piece of our relationship that is BDSM, both activity and in function (IE, I give Him His title of "Master" unless mundanes or our teen are around). Like my Facebook cover photo says- I write BDSM, I live BDSM. I sit here writing this with a sore ass and chest because those are the places He hit the most when He was enjoying me this morning.

It almost seems odd that my teen then follows the list here :D especially having just talked about BDSM play, although part of why it was able to happen was that teen's away visiting relatives :D. There are plenty of days that he is "child interruptus"- I mean, all jokes about preventing siblings aside, why is he trying to fuck up the sex lives of fictional characters? But teen has a way of turning me on to new bands that make for great writing music. Like recently he suggested we get Imagine Dragons CD and yeah, I enjoy writing to them. There's also the times he's better about cleaning up around the house while I'm busy writing- not always (he is 15 after all) but sometimes lol.

Then on Facebook I have tons of friends, including and beyond Annikka. The spanking/DD/BDSM erotica/erotic romance friends I've made from participating in groups, in blog hops have become important supports. I go to them for advice. I read their books; when I publish mine, I hope they return the favor. At least a few of them have read my free ebook and 2 of them have left reviews on Smashwords. Although many of them, living some alternative sexuality (be it BDSM, domestic discipline, or some other form), are also supports for me as friends who understand my sexuality and can share about their own. Sometimes my Master will ask "Do these people you're sharing their links, do they share yours? Do they buy your books?" I laugh and say "mostly- we all want good author karma" :D This of course gets into the wondrous world of "Would you like an ARC copy of my book?" My friends aren't the type to solicit a review, although they know they can count on me to review, and usually with a minimum of 90 words :D.

I'm not sure I can fairly label if my support system is more offline, online, personal, blood relations. Well not so much blood relation, beyond my teen. If we're counting by number, yes my support system is more online, but number isn't the only valid concern IMHO. After all, my Master is very much an in person, offline support and very important to my writing. I admit, I'm kinda scratching my head on "personal support," but I get confused easily lol.

Topic Tuesday Blog Hop

12 comments:

  1. Enjoyed reading this and also learning a little more about you Joelle.

    It's interesting when we think about the different sources, and people who are our support system isn't it? I love that you include your teen :) A teen who will clean up around the house sometimes? Well done! LoL

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. thanks for the comment, Roz. There are certainly days I wish that teen would help more without chores or being yelled at, but the fact that he talks to me still... well in comparison to my relationship with my mother at his age ... it's amazing. Just the other day when we were standing at the department store talking about Eminem together- and then his amusement when I got carded buying the CD for us :D

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  2. Loved finding out more about you, Joelle. Very nice:)

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  3. I agree it is more than just numbers. I have lots of online friends who are supportive, but the major support comes from a handful of people in my immediate family.

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    1. thanks for the comment :) yup, our support systems are all very individuals. I sometimes struggle with the notion of "family" as I'm an adult woman- it's my Master and our teen who are the main "family" support, not my parents or my siblings. shrugs, again as an adult woman (and a married one too), I think that makes perfect sense

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    2. I have found the entire Spanking Fiction group to be very supportive and I'm glad I chanced to find it. It keeps me from feeling like I'm working in a vacuum.

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    3. definitely. they are lifesavers. just things like the conversation that happened after Ana shared her blog post today :)

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  4. I try to support by purchasing all the books I can, it's the finding time for reading and reviewing I have trouble with. I spend way too much time on Facebook and the Internet. Sigh. See, I'm here now instead of writing or reading. It's a vicious cycle.

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    1. oh I understand that one all too well, Kathryn. My TBR is crazy. I try, I so do, but with my commitment to reviewing and trying to get the books I review up on my "What I'm reading Wednesday" it can be hard. Yeah, author networking under the guise of blogging is one of my difficulties. I have Saturday Spankings, like 20 of them, to read, then I have something about Nano that a writing friend shared, and Cara's and Ana's blogs

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  5. I just admire the hell out of you, Joelle. You come across as such a down-to-earth person, not just in kink but in all things. I wish I supported you and your writing better than I have been doing. Sorry about that. Wrapped up in my own shit. But know that I admire you greatly.

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    1. aww you're great, Sherri. While you don't always take part in Saturday Spankings, I try to make it to your blog more often than not because you're always so funny and so good for a tension relieving laugh. Plus it was good to recommend JP Adkins to you- I love how we're able to support each other, even if it's just in small things sometimes. And it feels so good to read things like that, that you admire me, find me so down-to-earth. It makes me think of a shirt my Master once saw and really wants- I'm not a dom for the funny clothes. :D

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